What I have learnt through the passing of my father...

Assalammu'alaikum family, friends, readers and followers of this blog. Nope.. no reviews just as yet..

There are a lot of lessons learnt through the passing of my father. I realized who my real friends are, who my reliable relatives are, and who will be there with or without Bapak, and who remained not being there with or without Bapak.

Our lives changed. We faced problems. People come and go while our mourning remained unhealed. We appeared like we have moved on, we can still smile, we can still laugh, we haven't forget how to eat. But we still mourn, perhaps, silently when noone is around.

We learn what to do when a death occurs at home, we learn who to call to break the news to, we learn who came running to our aid right away, we learn who took days (some never did) come. We recognize those who still calls us, messaged us, be there for us (though not physically), and we acknowledged the deeds that we can't pay.

We watched our mom cry, watched our mom wiped her silent tears, heard my mom trying to tell us something she cannot express, learn her worries, hugged her, kissed her, but it is not enough.

I discovered how fragile my mom is despite her strong front. I realized how close she is with me, and how comfortable she is with my husband. I come to notice how she easily opens up to me and not so much to the rest of the people. I realized how much I meant to my mom, and come to realized how much she means to me. Wallahi, I cried. Behind her, away from her. I cannot, but I have to.

To think people still ask me if I am shifting and moving out of my mom's. To think that people think it is easy for me to let my mom go.. To think some people think I am letting her go, to think some people think I want to. NO... Wallahi no... I never wanted to, but situations led us to this. We can't possibly kiss and tell everything that goes through in the house, and we cant possibly narrate everything because a lot of it are personal. It may not be about me, but it is personal.

It saddens my mom, it saddens me ten times the fold, but I cannot show. I am scared. So scared to even step out and live on my own, I keep telling myself, it is okay.. I will come by everyday, but it is not the same... It is not the same... My mom wont see me get up and out my room, she wont see me enter my room to sleep, she wont see me get in the shower no more. My mom will feel the void. While mine, my void will be filled with my own house chores, and my husband's love. But my mother.. her void remains. And not just one void for me, but three different void for each of her children, and one big one for my dad. Who and how will the void be filled up?

I worry for her. I cry for her, I wish I could take her place. I wished her all the peace, serenity and happiness for her, but it is just not the same for her. The void is real, the pain is real. Who will be there for my mother, when all her children are busy? Who? When dad was around it was dad filling every bit of the void she has with his antiques.. now who?

Yeah, sure, register her for classes at the masjid, get her involved in some charity, oh yeah sure. Did you forget? My mom has a pair of bad knees and her back get real bad if she walks, sits and stands too much? She is tired, but she cannot stop what she has been doing for the past 50odd years.

She is not the kind who likes to explore, she finds a lot of comfort at home, in her home (not just anyone's). I don't know the cure for my mother's void just as yet.

We called my half brother, the son my father dad in previous marriage before my mom. He came along with his wife and my mom's second cousin (as she knew the way to my house). Once both my sisters, my half brother and mother is seated, I laid it all out.

My brother didn't have complete documentation of his birthcert and my dad's marriage cert with his mom, so we cannot register his name to the trustee, there will be a lot of work required, so we allowed the process to go through without him, therefore, a portion my dad's monies goes to Baitulmal.

As I laid it out to everyone the total amount we had received, and the rightful amount if followed the law of faraid, and maintaining eye contact with each of my sisters, brother and mom. I could vaguely see my dad's face looking at me, entrusting me to say the right words.

I explained to everyone why a son gets more, and why the widow get the least. And when I was done, I allowed my brother to say his decision. And he said, "Is it okay, if we just give it out fairly?"

I was relieved, and my mother asked him, "Are you sure, because it will half your share, are you sincere with this decision"

And I caught my brother in tears saying, "Wallahi, I don't have the heart to take twice the portion when my sisters are the ones who are here with you, Mak"

MasyaAllah, the right words. I could feel signs of relieve in all corners of the room.

"Okay, if this is your decision. It will be $xx. And I shall give it out to you witnessed by everyone here. Please recount."

When all that was done I called my sister in law to run through with her the summarized version, and to seek understanding why she was not included in the discussion. We exchanged words to undertake this monies responsibly, to keep it for good and better use, to be wise, and not fall into greed. To not raise this moment in displeasure.

And my brother keeps reminding me of my father, the way he speaks (very little, but his actions speaks). The way he nudge me, exactly like my father.

Please, brothers of Islam, you are the khalifah of the ummah. You are given the rights above women, to care for us, to love us and to take responsibility for all our needs. Please acknowledge that IF you father leaves behind his wife and young children, then it is your responsibility to take care of them. And If your brother leaves behind his wife and children, it is your responsibility to care for his children because you are their WALI. You are given more share than his wife because YOU are suppose to be giving nafkah to his children, not his wife.

Allah knows this, and had therefore made us women filled with ikhsan, love and compassion. To love and take some responsibilities off your shoulders. Have some shame, my brothers. Repent, and be the man and take the responsibilities. If you foresee your brothers to be greedy and leave your wife and children stranded when you are gone, please write a wasiat and nominate that all your wealth go to your wife rightfully so they cant take away that ease that you have provided for your wife and children.

Too many such things happen, and yet so many brothers and sons still rush to get the monies for their own benefits instead of settling the responsibilities that arwah had left behind.

I don't wish to judge or punish these brothers. I just hope they come to realize that Allah knows everything, and everything they do will be questioned, at such point there wont be any explanation, but your heart, your hands, your legs, your ears, your eyes are the ones who will answer honestly. They will be no bargain..

May Allah gives his mercy to forgive all our past sins and doings and accept our taubat...

Hasbunallaah wa ni’mal wakiil

Allah alone is sufficient to help us and Allah is the best of all protectors,
Cukuplah Allah menjadi Penolong kami dan Allah adalah sebaik-baiknya Pelindung.

May this entry be beneficial for all, to learn and take some good points and apply to your life.

Wassalam.