Preparing to be a SAHW

Assalammu'alaikum family, friends, readers and followers of this blog.

It is Friday!! Weekend is here, but this entry is pretty intense for me, to be honest.

As you would have known, we made the decision to make myself a Stay At Home Wife as per the entry here. Trust me, the preparation to be one can be pretty overwhelming, if you asked me to be really honest!

I initially thought it would be smooth and simply filled with smiles. However, I ended up shopping a lot because I knew I wouldn't be able to do so once we are on a single income status quo. I mean, me being me, I'd be feeling guilty all over for wanting something for myself over something that the whole family can indulge in and benefit from. If I ever really want something for myself, I would just save it up myself or get it through my own means somehow. That is just me. I don't and can't seem to bring myself to depend on someone for my own benefits alone.

Since the opening of the topic, we talk about it a lot. We even spoke about how we would be celebrating the beginning of my SAHW journey. It makes me happy that my husband is more happy about it than I am, and it makes me proud that my husband is working really hard to make it happen. It scares me a little though that he seemed to double up the hard work so I can achieve this dream earlier than planned.

No matter how scary it is, I am still looking forward to it. And sometimes, cannot wait for it to just happen. I can't wait to submit my resignation letter. I can't wait to tell my boss I am resigning to be a SAHW and not for a better job offer.

So what am I preparing myself for now?

No more personal salary

I have to prepare myself to not have moolah in my bank that is 100% mine, which I don't need to report or explain to anyone how I spend it, or how much I chose to save from it.

When I become a SAHW, I will have to be ready to submit a report on how the money was spent because it is from only one income it will be very important and crucial to keep track on what we spend so we know what we can cut down. Which makes us think a lot on our next point.

Finances

As much as I would say we are pretty much stable, we have to admit that it is because both of us are working and I have been contributing a fair share into the current household expenses.

We both admit that albeit his future (insyaAllah) a better job with a better pay, we have to cut down a lot of our expenses, no matter how we find ourselves thrifty. We have to ensure and be very sure of our priorities as a team. With just one income, we cannot afford to argue who deserves how much more than who. We HAVE to agree and set a limit. We have to have definite figures.

Morning rush

Yeay! This one I love the most! I won't have to chase buses, or explain to anyone why I am late - except if dinner is. Oppss!

Imagine life.... No more squeezing into the bus crowd, no more rushing to get home!

Yeah, no more need to complain about buses not appearing when you need them the most!

No more need to explain why you are late, no more need to apply for day off because I want to send my mom to the doctor. For that I'd say Hooray!

Cut it! It will be a different kind of rush hour when you become a SAHW. For me I think it would be the hour the husband is on his way back, the rush to tidy up what was left, or maybe the rush to get the rice cooking because I was so absorb in cooking, I forget all about the rice. That pretty much describes me. LOL!

And if we are blessed to have children, it will then be the hour they are finishing school, or about maybe the hour they need to be in school. Harsh as it may sound, I think I will be loving it. Anyways, we shall all wait and see when we get there, alright... Too soon to speak, as what many many people say.

No more excuse

Yup, no more excuse to have laundry piling up. No more excuse to not cook. No more excuse to skip chores or mismanage them. If I fall sick, I have to somehow squeeze the chores that needed done on the number of days I need to rest, across the next number of days once I am well.

No more excuses to lack of cleaning too!

Yup, it means, the ceiling fan must be of this condition when you come to visit. 

NO more excuses for any sort of clutter as well. Which means, my room or the entire house will be going through tremendous organizing once I am down to it! My OCD will be brought to life!

However, I now have excuses to stay home. I now have an excuse to fetch baby M. I have an excuse to have lunch with my niece, friend, or anyone I want to - if they want me to. And I have all the time (if I manage them well) to watch all my favorite series!

Recipes

Yes, I am collecting all my recipes to prepare the many weeks of cook days for the husband and family. I rarely cook now, but when I become a SAHW, it wouldn't make sense to still rely on my mother to cook, or to not cook at all.

What's the point of being a SAHW if you don't cook? At least I'd think so. You see, a wife's cooking is marvelous! The food being delicious or otherwise is secondary, the effort and love that is being put into the cooking, is the one that brings a family closer.

Also, it will allow me to rethink how to make a dish more healthier. Afterall my husband has family history of diabetes, among many other chronic disease, so I ought to give that a thought and work to make all my dishes more healthier than anywhere else. It will also protect my children from inheriting unhealthy eating habits.

And perhaps, my healthy dishes would become a hand-me-down recipe to my grandchildren. You know, something that only your family cooks and eats sort of thing.

Having to work for fun!

Yeah, this one I like too! If ever I find that I have a free hour and end up bored to death, my husband said I am more than welcomed to join the work force on a part time basis. On a "for fun" basis. I like the idea of going to work because you don't NEED to. It means I will think less of it as work, I will not over think about who is not liking me at work. And at any sign of distress, I can quit at my will.

So, what is the most dreading point? 

I guess the one that scares me the most is finances. I know for sure, we are not extravagant with our expenditures, I know for sure we never go beyond what we can afford, but I guess I am scared because I will lose the power of my own spending. I will have to ask my husband for a little more if I want to spend on something that is NOT in the list.

Whilst I can tell my mom, "It is okay, this is my money, and I can spend it however I want" now, I will have to tell her, "I have to check with husband" later on when I become a SAHW.

It is not really about surviving on one income that is scaring me, because I know we can, considering our way of life that remains simple no matter how much our salary has grown.

It is the loss of power over my finances that is scaring me. I won't have any power to spend however I want. I won't have the power to wait for my salary so I can buy that new dress. I have to wait till the husband offers me. Or hope for the husband to get me something I've been hinting him to get.

This will take some time to get used to, but I know I will be able to do it. I will be okay with it sooner or later, and we will all be fine. And I have a feeling, we will be better than now.

:)

So, how about you? How was your preparation journey to be a Stay at Home Wife/Mother? Was it hard? Did it go as planned?

Share with me some day!

Till I blog again,
Wassalam,
Jun - the future SAHW blogger. ;)

Revlon Colorburst Matte Balm

Assalammu'alaikum family, friends, readers and followers of this blog.

As you would have read in my previous review post on the Lacquer Balm, I am never a make up person by default. but this balm have woken up my love to doll myself up. Heh!

I am not an expert la, far from it all! I just like to make myself pretty in my husband's eyes.

So yes! As you would have known, I ordered some Matte Balm online. Yup, I ordered two! One is #205 - Elusive and one in #225 - Sultry.

Awesome I tell you! Like the Lacquer Balm, it is a balance of a lip balm and lipstick. Really! The pigmentation is awesome. And I get go over it again and again without feeling like I had just slapped a tonne of lipstick on my lips!

And this #205 has since became my everyday color for it leave me this very natural look. Whereas the #225 brings up the mood on my face. The magic color of some sort. :)

#205 kindda matches this plum hijab I have on :)

#225 lifts the mood on my face, I think. :)

#205 & #225 side by side don't seem to have much color difference, do they?

Yup.. my favorites at the moment. 

And as with the Lacquer Balm, this awesome lip balm keeps my lips moisturize. The color sort of stay but fades to a natural bare lips color sort of thing, BUT when I take a closer look, the pigmentation is still there. I don't quite know how to explain this..

Anyways, being a non-make up person, and having to love putting this on seems to shout out to everyone that this stuff is a must have, isn't it?

Happy trying!!

Wassalam,
Jun

Suuefle's Addictive Rolling Chips

Assalammu'alaikum family, friends, readers and followers of this blog.

Have you heard of Suuefle? Well if you haven't.. go grab her rolling chips!! If you are a fan of Nutella, go grab her Nutella tarts. I am serious when I say she bakes the most awesome rolling chips!

And when I was getting to know Sue, she was just a baker building her dreams. Now, Suuefle seemed to have made her dreams come true. Suuefle can be seen in eatery shops physically displayed there readily for you to purchase and indulge in her awesome bakes right away.

That, on top of her online shop taking orders.

What I find was more awesome is that her bakes are not overpriced. This small container below, just cost me $10 each.

Just a word of caution though, if you do grab one, do give thought to buy another just in case, because as her tagline says.. "Taste it, be an addict!"

It says the truth! Once you open it and munch, you just can't stop!!!

That two bottles were empty in a matter of 4 days max! And I ate 90% of it all, with husband managing to steal the 10%!

What is so special about her rolling chips?

Super cute bite size!

Awesome for kids, and more awesome for the adults!

Super crunchy!

Yep, a crunch a bite baby!

So small yet so full of taste!

Oh yes! Yummilicious to every small little crumbs!!

$$$

Oh don't worry, it didn't break my pocket, so it wouldn't be breaking yours either!

Where to get this?!

So, other that finding her on instagram, where else can you grab these cute little bite size bakes?

You can find her wonderful bakes at these following eatery places:

Orang-Orang

Blk 134 Bukit Batok West Ave 6

Kampong Corner

602 Sembawang Road

Next to Sewbawang Shopping Centre

Blk 4A Eunos Food Centre #01-15 (Satay Shop)

Otherwise, look her up in Insta (@suuefle) and order directly!

Now, get me some more rolling chips if you drop by to get her #barangbaik okay?

Feeling hopeful,

Wassalam,

Jun <3 p="">

Catching the common cold

Assalammu'alaikum family, friends, readers and followers of this blog.

I hope your midweek is not as miserable as mine... I've caught the common cold, and it shoots me to feel all weak and lazy. The medicines sent me to lala land without me knowing. So I thought I'd write before the meds kick in again.

It is always when I am sick when a lot of things came to my mind, and fill my thoughts.

Earlier I was just triggered to post this random thought on my Facebook and got quite a number of likes with a few comments in agreement.

It reads, "To you, I may be full of flaws. To people who mattered, I am a perfect dose of perfection in my own unique way. I am nasty, but I have a heart. I am stubborn, but I deal with the consequences. So here's telling you personally... I don't care what you have to say about me, because what you say about me kindda reflects you. Well, thank you!"

Whilst it wasn't real, ie wasn't triggered because someone is talking about me per se. It does sometimes get to me when I do find out someone is talking about me.

This post came about when I recalled that one time that I remembered someone asking/clarifying something with me because someone we know mutually said something else, which she don't believe is true.

Well, that is the thing, right? When you know someone enough, you would always want to clarify the truth after hearing some "fake" story. Clearly, it doesn't sound like you, and therefore they doubted. And because they value you, they clarified with you directly instead on assuming or be wary of you.

Which is why I always couldn't care when noone took the initiative to clarify with me any stories they heard about me. It just shows me that they don't matter to me, or rather, I don't matter to them. So I let these people go, much like good riddance!

Some people do tell others who are getting close to me that I am an unreasonable monster, but they forget to tell them what they did for me to be that unreasonable monster. Well, maybe they forgot right? I mean surely they remember how others treat them but conveniently forget how they treat others, right?

You see, I am just human to be just as nice as you are to me. I can also just close my eyes, and pretend all these is not happening to me, but I am human, it gets to me after awhile and it will kick me to react or rebutt.

And when this thoughts died off my chest, something else came to fill my mind. The load of work this week was overwhelming and all I can think of is to resign. As childish as it sounded, I really wish it is something I can do in a jiffy without much thought, I guess having to be in this tough industry for almost a decade has taken its toll on me, maybe.

It is just probably time for me to take a break and do something less tense. Something more lightweight, perhaps. Or maybe I just need a break off work. Something maybe impossible for as long as I am someone's employee.

As much as we are working towards weaning me off work, we are also pretty skeptical and is still in the dark wondering if it would work for us. All these while we are also planning for a family trip, which would cost us thousands possibly. Can we do it? I dunno, we don't know. Not until we try. Until then noone will know, and everyone would just tell us not to because they "fear" we won't survive.

Truth is, everyone would survive. Just a little less luxurious, a little less of nice little things, but we will definitely survive...

With my thoughts running well, I am thankful my medication is kicking in so I can sleep it off.

So until then,
I shall just sign it off and rest my sick self to recovery,
Wassalam,
Jun

Revlon Colorburst Lacquer Balm - Review

Assalammu'alaikum family, friends, readers and followers of this blog.

Almost midweek! So hang on there!! Stay Calm and read my blog, chey chey chey! Hehe.. 

As you would have known, I am never a make up person by default, and that too for many reasons, but today, I will be doing a review for this new stuff that caught my attention. 

The Revlon Colorburst Laquer Balm!

I like the size. ;)

I picked #110 - Coquette. 

I like to keep my face natural, so this color suits me enough, it is not that dull, and not too obvious.

I slapped on lip balm before putting this one. Silky smooth finish.

This is without slapping on lip balm prior. Gives a natural finish. 

Well, it doesn't really stay - partly because it is a lip balm, and partly because I tend to lick and peel/bite my chapped lips. BUT this one doesn't make my chapped lips worst, in fact it actually moisturize my lips and kept it under control most of the time, I just need to remember to touch up - which I'd always forget!

I don't really like lip balm because it has this sticky feel to it, and I am always forever forgetful. But this thing, it doesn't give that sticky feeling, at the same time, it doesn't dry my lips like other lipstick would. It kindda strike a good balance. And if I take a close-up pic of my lips, it actually has shiny bits to it. Heh... But my close-up might scare you, so I'd save the trouble. ;)

To be honest I am not a fan for shiny lip balm, because it made my chapped lips more obvious, so why this? Well, I was initially attracted to the Colorburst Matte Balm, and sadly, it has limited color availability at the drug store nearby, so I got this.

But fret not, as I had ordered online for the Matte Balm. Andddd, be sure I'd be writing a review on that one once I get my hands on them!

And it can be read here!

Till I catch up in the next entry,
Wassalam,
Jun

Delphin S1 Review - Part 2

Assalammu'alaikum family, friends, readers and followers of this blog.

So this entry is about our awesome machine the Delphin S1 - the after sales service review!

I know how busy a sales person (especially one who goes from house to house to do a demo based on the scheduled given by HQ), so I texted him and asked when he is free for a second round of home demo - to basically cover what he missed out due to the time constraint the first time.

He replied in less than an hour. And we set a date. He had to put me pretty late (a 9.30pm slot) but I was okay with it, besides, the vacuum is low noise maker so it wont be disturbing much. My baby was sleeping while he was doing our second demo, and she slept through.

As per our first demo, he came and greeted us so cheerfully, and apologized for slotting us at such a late timing. Because it is so late, he quickly jump to work. And as he sat down with our machine, before I could say anything, he said, "You know uh, this machine is awesome, but if you go to the internet, you'd actually still find bad review, Know why?"

And I smiled, "I was about to ask you about the bad reviews."

And he replied, "Because as much as this machine is awesome and great, it is dealt by people like me. We are the person customers deal with, and there are 100 of us, how much can our boss control, right? I tell you out of this 100, quite a number is PRC. And you would imagine how a female PRC promote this item to sell la hor. I personally don't like the way they sound. I just cannot stand that kind of voice. I even scold my girls if they want to manja with me leh, and I am their father. So imagine when i hear them show how they promote our machine, my ears can bleed lei. And of course some of us are pushy also, which I actually dun understand why they have to be pushy, because this machine don't need much pushing if they understand it, and the customer want it"

True much! There are bound to be bad apples anywhere you go who'd spoil the market, who makes things less pleasant. I am just glad the HQ sent Mr Patrick Tan to me. He is friendly, not pushy at all, and always willing to help us when we got a lot of questions, who always had his full attention on the client. We could here his phone ringing and beeping, but he ignored them all as he is in midst of the demo. You can tell he is not that hard up for the commission to seal the deal, he believes if his client trust him, they would understand he is busy, but surely, guaranteed, he will reply them all in due time. Just like how he did for me, he may reply an hour later, but he did get back to me.

And so he showed more of this wonderful machine. He showed us and gave us many more tips, and answered most questions we had in mind. Do you know we can clean the power broom? Heh. I tell you, it is easy.. just take out cover, wipe with wet cloth. a 5min job or less!

He also gave us a tip on how we can lessen the number of time we had to dismantle our fans to wash. Easy la, because this Delphin is such a darling, you just vacuum the outside using its duster, and do it everytime you are cleaning the floor la, you know, multitasking. Not that hard, and it takes like a min or two. Suction so good, it can clean so well, so if the outside is clean, the inside would be harder to contain dust. Makes sense, that would probably make us dismantle the fan to wash from once a week to just once every 6months or for an even longer period. Awesome.

And because this machine is such a wonder, he actually QC check us! And he went "eh, no point you know, buy then never use to its optimum. Why here still dusty? Clean la, and he conveniently use our machine to clean up as he go. He is just a gem to us, really. And he made us all guilty - YES i mean we use the machine frequently, but maybe we just didn't think it can clean places we never thought existed - in some way. Haha.. I mean who actually goes swiping the top of the doors, right?

And so the next day, I was out to clean the house with the machine. After countless times of usage, the machine still does wonders. And here's how much dirt we collected in the house!

BEFORE : Clear tap water against my flooring

AFTER: Just my parents' room including a Queen Size Bed using the Power Broom and floor.

AFTER: Living room, ceiling fan, my room floor, and everywhere else possible to clean except the kitchen

AFTER: Just my bed, and baby's mattresses.

Amazing isn't it? Who would have thought so much dirt existed before this machine? I mean we know it is dusty, but we clean, and it is just disturbing to see the floor so clean, the bed so clean, and yet when I on this machine to  clean, I still capture so much!

If you'd like him to do the demo and run through the installment plans or prices, let me know. I'd gladly pass u his number. Afterall, a sales person needs to eat, and his rice bowl pretty much rely on the referrals he gets.

Do also note that this post is in no way sponsored, neither was I fed with freebies by Mr Patrick Tan. What I write here is purely my opinion, and my experience with Delphin. This machine is bought by our own hard earn money, and here is my brutally honest say, IT IS WORTH EVERY CENT.

This machine is truly not just a vaccuum cleaner..

And because I am sick today, I shall have this running to sanitize the air as we sleep. How can I not love this machine...

Till next entry,
Wassalam,
Jun

2yrs on, a post review here: http://njunaidah.blogspot.sg/2016/08/my-delphin-journey.html

The choice to be a Stay At Home Wife/Mom

Assalammu'alaikum family, friends, readers and followers of this blog.

I know, I have been adding entries on a daily basis (or almost) for awhile now. I can't help it as I was fed with so many interesting topics to cover! Thank you, you!

Many of my relatives and friends question my desire to be a Stay At Home Wife/Mom. To many, it remains a question, and so I gathered some of my stay-home-wives & moms to contribute the questions they were asked, so I can answer them in this entry. Afterall I have to prep myself with all these questions when I finally made it, right? I mean, as is, just as I was planning, I am already bombared by my desire and decision to be a stay home wife. So why not prep myself now?

WHY?

Why would you want to resign from a good paying job to stay home? 

I'd tell you why. 1) No money can buy my time when I wish to spend it with my VIPs, my parents, my husband, my in-laws, and most importantly - my children. 2) Because they are my VIPs, I want to be among the first to be there for them when they call me 3) I don't need approval to be with them when they need me, unless it is approval from my husband. 

What a waste! Studied so hard, only to stay home?

Says who, it is a waste? Well, why did you study? Purely so you can work and earn money? Well, not for me, at least not entirely. I studied because I am hungry for knowledge. So it is never a waste for me to not use the certificate at the end of the day, and the knowledge remains with me at my dispense when I need to use them.

Won't you be bored at home all day?

Oh seriously.. You must be one of the many who believes that we sit at home and do nothing. Let me tell you what there is to do, I can probably list my Mon-Sun schedule as well - since you asked.. 

Monday - 
Wake up, prepare breakfast, nap awhile, then get going with the laundry, vacuum the house, hang laundry to dry, cook lunch (and dinner). Watch some tv. Clean again - You should stay home all day once in awhile, the house really does get dirty every few hours!

Tuesday -
Pretty much like Monday, but today I don't do laundry, instead I will clean the kitchen. And if my laundry is dry, I'd fold them. 

Wednesday -
Pretty much like Monday, but today I want to mop the whole house as well. 

Thursday -
Just like Monday, but today instead of the laundry it would be bedsheets in the washing machine. And if my laundry is dry from yesterday, I'd fold them

Friday -
Today, I'd check my bedsheets, if they are dry, I'd fold them. And then I go clean the toilet. If my energy is still on a high, I'd vacuum and mop the whole house. 

Satuday-
Special food day! No cleaning, no laundry. Instead, I'd be cooking up a special meal for the family - something like Nasi Lemak, or Nasi Ayam.. You know, like a treat because everyone is home with me!

Sunday -
We go to the market, we will be dancing with the fishes, prawns and everything else. We'd probably eat out today, or spend a lot of our time outside for me to breathe. 

NOW, tell me, will I get bored? Where got time?? This is planned if I don't have kids, kids would occupy 99% of my time, surely!

The husbands don't get spared either.. 

Here are some of the funniest compilation from my stay home friends -

And so they heard their husband's friends asked him these:

Seriously dude, your wife don't go out to work?

Oh yes dude! Do you have a problem with that? And the dude go like, "How to survive? The cost of living is so high... My wife, she have to work to help me!"

"oh dude, how did you tell your wife to quit her job and stay home? I can't get my wife to do that, man!"

Ah senstive hor... Dude, firstly, I am not a slave to my husband, and my husband don't own me per se for me to just nod my head and say yes. This decision to be a stay home wife needs to be mutual. There is no point in having your wife stay home is she isn't happy about it. Perhaps, she wants to, but fear you won't be able to cope with the expences without her income to help when needed. Perhaps, she knows herself too well, and that she need the money she earn to pamper herself with expensive spas - and she knew you wont be able to afford if she don't earn it herself.

Perhaps.

And dude, let me remind you again. To decide and be a stay home wife is not "saving your wife from working too hard". Some women actually find staying at home more taxing than working in the office. Some are just more productive having to go our to work, then come home and continue off with house chores. Some, like me, prefer to do one at a time, either I work then go home and rest, or I stay home and do them all without the need to work, so if my husband tells me to resign now so I can stay home, I'd gladly do so. DO NOT force your wife just because I said I love to be a SAHW. 

You seriously can afford it?

Dude, again.. This is not something that is decided on impulse. This decision to live off just one income requires a lot of prior saving, and planning. We have to decide and act as a team. We have to draw a line and agree on our plans, our exit plans, and everything else there is to consider. We have to set a budget, do a trial run, test our limits, and see if it works for us. It is all about team work of trial and error. And obviously, need some serious cost savings. ;)

I told my husband specifically that I would like to start being a full time stay at home wife, when I finally conceived, or when we finally have our child. and I know I can afford to stay home for a good 7-9years, before I may need to rejoin the work force if the need arise. I know where I stand.

And my husband supports me, but told me his idea, some I may agree with, some I may turn down. Like I said many times, marriage is team work. Do what works for both. And as of now, we are working towards our goal to make me a stay home wife in approximately another 24 months or under. InsyaAllah.

Things people assume SAHW/M do everyday

Assumption 1: SAHW/M do nothing but sleep and eat at home

You know how you hear people ask a SAHW/M things like, "Stay home all day and yet you say you are tired/busy??" or have you recently ask someone that?

Well let me tell you what SAHW/M have to do on a daily basis, from the time we open our eyes, till the night welcome us to sleep again.

Image is taken off GOOGLE

Go scroll up and read what I plan to do Mon-Sun, if you had forgotten!

Assumption 2: SAHW/M is always free

Free? So my house would clean itself? My laundry would wash and hang itself to dry? Then get out of the slumber and fold themself neat? What do you mean free? 

Assumption 3: SAHW/M can do anything they want, when they want to!

Are you really sure? Because if it is like that I think a lot of us would have went out on a holiday 365 days a year. OR go out shopping all day all week, all month! Remember, because we are SAHW/M, we don't have our own income, and rely on our husband's, so unless our husbands earn a whooping million a month, then perhaps... I will surely want to clean and wash, and cook all day all night... Yup.. Exactly what I love to do, all the time.. And I enjoy it.... Sure!

Fact is, it is not our choice. Like it or not, the house needs to be cleaned. The laundry needs to washed, hanged, folded, ironed. The food needs to be cooked. So take it or leave it, you still have to do it, so why don't we all learn how to love doing it, right? 

Perks of being a SAHW/M

Well, we can nap when we feel tired. Take a break and watch some TV. Pull out a book and read. Or just hang our legs on the stool and relax for awhile.

We can run down to our parents' or our siblings' when they need us. We can run down to our childrens' school when the teacher calls.

We don't need to apply leave to attend to our VIPs. We do everything at our own time own target. However, we don't fancy snowballing our chores, otherwise it is hell for us.

We can spare some time and help the neighbours babysit their children if they need to run and attend an emergency.

Then we get paid with hugs, kisses, and words of gratitude, and a sense of pride that we have survived another day juggling the things in the house and remained sane.

I know, I would be more tired, more rugged but I also know that I would feel more blessed as well.

So my decision is made, in total approval from the husband. Provided our plan goes, provided our trial and error comes to a long term workable arrangement and sequential of things that needs done.

So ya! If you are a SAHW/M and would like to contribute more awesome questions that sets your eyebrows to raise or ended up laughing yourself silly, feel free to contribute via comments below, or drop me an email!

Until the next interesting blog entry,
Wassalam
The SAHW-wannabe

Marriage - Setting the Priorities

Assalammu'alaikum family, friends, readers and followers of this blog.

I know, I have been adding entries on a daily basis (or almost) for awhile now. I can't help it as I was fed with so many interesting topics to cover! Thank you, you!

Let me just start off with, I am no ustazah, I am no ulama, I am no expert in Islam. I am just like you, learning as I grow. Learning as I listen....

This topic has been on my head for a long time, so when someone emailed me about it, I knew I had to write about it. Please remember, these are my thoughts - and if it is not (i.e. from hadith) I will quote it, insyaAllah. Do feel free to correct me!

Everyone on this Earth would have priorities. Sometimes by nafs, sometimes by heart, sometimes just by default.

Priorities 

When I was single....

My priorities was (to be really honest) all over the place. At one point, it was friends, then it was boyfriend, then it was mother, then it was sisters... I was young, I admit, I followed my nafs.

Then as you grow older maturely, your priorities became more obvious, at least for me it is.

My priorities would be as follows:

Mother
Mother
Mother
Father
Myself
Sisters/Brothers
Grandmother
BFF
Really close friends
Other relatives
Boyfriend/Fiance

And when I got married, my priorities took a 360 degree turn. I went into denial mode. I probably took a good 6months to a year to really adapt to my new priorities.

Now that I am married....

My priorities went to
Husband
Husband
Husband
Mother
Mother-in-law
Father
Father-in-law
Sisters/Brothers
Grandmother
BFF
Sibling in law
Other relatives (incl in laws')
Myself
Really close friends

I started considering myself a little lesser. When both my mother and husband fall sick, I had to care for my husband first before my mother. I had a really hard time juggling this. It has always been mother before anyone else.. But when you got married, as a woman.. Your husband became priority. For if he passes and is unhappy that I wasn't there for him, my ticket to Jannah would be torn.

For many out there this is the hardest to accept - some went on to say "I can find another husband, but I cannot find another mother".

True, I cannot deny. However, in Islam, a wife is at her husband's mercy. If she receive a good husband, she would be able to care for both harmoniously. And mothers would or rather should understand this. With this is would be easier for the new bride to take up her job as the wife.

I think the more difficult part is that it is not vice. When the husband's mother fall sick, and at the same time as you. He is more obligated to care for his mother than he is to care for his wife. Again, if the mother would and could understand how much a wife needs a husband at times of sickness, she would rely on her own husband (if he is still around) before her sons. And when a wife is a mother, she would relent and give in to her sick mother in law, and would brave her sickness herself.

And if I have children, like it or not, in Islam, children is after husband. I see a lot of benefit in doing so though. When a mothers takes care of her husband, her children will grow to respect their father (or the man of the house), and would appreciate their mother when she is theirs hands down. :)

My mother had always taken care of my very capable father, she would prepare his breakfast, his coffee, and made sure everything my dad needs is in place, then she would rush to prepare ours. And this still goes on till today.

When my father needs something at the same time as us needing something, she would attend to my father first, and my father would usually ask her to settle us first or he'd help us while my mother helps him. Now, my father would do most of things himself as he has retired, and is in no rush. Still, my mother would cook and sometimes prepare it so all he has to do is, eat.

Financial Priorities

The wife

As a wife, in Islam, I hold no responsibilites financially. Everything that is basic needs are to be provided by the husband. Only when the wife wishes to help, she can offer him what she want, BUT she is not obligated to. So in this case, it is really my money in mine, and your money is to be shared through the household and me. ;)

The husband

For the husband, he needs to adjust his financial priorities as when he was single and now that he is married. As much as his mother still holds first place, he now has a family of his own to built, so major adjustment is required. I won't be harsh to say stop contributing altogether, please continue contributing, but he would have to consider a better job or have something else to boost his income to be able to support both his mother and wife (and family to be) without making any of these two feel less important.

In Islam, a man is to give his earning in this priority...

Himself
His wife
His children
His mother
His father
His parents' in law

If after contributing his share fairly to these people, and have extra and would like to help, it will be in accordance to this and on par with their need. Meaning, even if they are in priority, but if they are more than capable to earn on their own, then the priority goes to next in list.

His siblings (in-laws inclusive)
His immediate elders (grandmother, aunties, uncles)
His nieces/nephews
His cousins
And then it extends outwards on to his extended family.

As Islam taught us compassion, we are also encouraged to help the needy especially the orphans - again after distributing his earnings to those in his priority first.

Giving more than Taking in

In marriage, it is always a teamwork of husband and wife. Most couples forget they are in the same team and start competing unnecessarily, like who earn more, who contributed more, who does more, who got what..

Competition takes a  toll on everyone after awhile. Some competition is healthy, of course, but most of us tend to just go over board. 

There are moments where I mumbled my displeasure - I wouldn't lie about it. Things like how I am so tired after work, then having to do the laundry, having to get him a drink, having to clean the mess, having to pick after him, etc.. Then when I sit down in bed, and he came in and said, "You want a massage?" All that I did suddenly become totally worth it.

Then I would start appreciating him, how he went out to work, how he had to still care for his mother and yet still be there for me, how he had to juggle what is happening at his parents' and what is happening here between us or in our household, how he adapted to my parents, and our house rules.

When I think about all this, I always end up believing that he is the only man meant for me. And that he is putting his best effort, and had my best interest in mind.

As a married couple, we have to have our restrictions. It is an unsaid rule. Your social boundaries will be limited, do I really need to spell this one out? As much as we loved our brothers and sisters of friendship whilst we were single, this people needs our partners' approval. My Aprilia brothers for example, as much as I still remain close, I will not have the freedom to stay out late night just me and them, and husband at home. Hell NO! I wouldn't settle down if I am still wanting to hang out with them brothers till late night and exclude my husband. Likewise for the husband, he would usually ask me even if it is hanging out with his band of brothers, and even asked if I'd like to join him.

And I say what I feel and what I mean, if I say yes, well ya, he would be free to hang out. Usually though, he would feel the pinch himself and end up heading home before the dawn breaks. ;)

And when my husband says no, I am left with no choice but to heed him.

I know a lot of friends would say, "How can you let your husband suppress you of your freedom?"

Well, he did not suppress my freedom, and if he has no say as to where I go, how I spend my time, and with whom, then what is the point of getting married?

And sometimes I get arrowed like, "How come he can hang out late night and you can't?

Well he is a man, and I am a woman. How nice is it to see woman hang out late night? Not nice at all, unless it is with family or knowingly that her husband or father is coming to fetch or join her later so she remained protected. Besides, I get my alone time at home while he is out there with his friends. He, like me, would need personal me time - just that for me (and most women), me time is time alone, whilst for him (I don't know about other men), it meant time with his mates or games.

"It is not Fair!"

Well, the world is not fair. Women are born to be different than Men. We both have unique strengths and weaknesses. So?

I am happy with being unfair. Otherwise, everything is the same, without any unique challenges to overcome. Then everyone would have the same story to tell. It'd be boring!

I am happy to be a wife, with challenges, receeiving lots of hugs and love in my husband's unique and special way, and always available to give him the love he seek.

I am happy that my husband is happy to be with me.

I will just end it here.
Until next entry,
Wassalam.

Passion to Write

Assalammu'alaikum family, friends, readers and followers of this blog.

Once again, I was asked why I blog, which led me to post a FB status that reads:

"I feel like going back to late night blogging. My blog transformed a whole lot... I still cant believe I started in 2004 and is still keeping up. From daily diary, to observation write ups, to voluntary reviews, to writing articles - wide range from wedding, saving, clearing debt, parenting, to etiquette of stuff you thought people should know without saying... 
I've got my fair share of haters and supporters. I've had enough ads to keep me going, and I am never tired nor do I ever run out of time to write a little quickie if need be, or work on one article for a few days.
My passion to write escalate quickly when from just under 10views, my write ups slowly went to 45, then to a hundred, then to thousand and then one of my write ups received over 6000 views.
It drove me to keep improving, to write even better, not so I get more views, but so I can reach out to people to tell them they are not alone. Or to simply encourage them to be even better.
Some people may say it is not worth to write and not earn, but passion is not driven by money. It is driven because it touches people.
The kind of rewards that sometimes takes years, and hardly immediate. It took me 10yrs to learn, realise and note what people love to read so I can feed them just that."


I hope it is reason enough. When I first started I had like 10 views or less and on some entries, I had none. I still write, because back then I wasn't looking after viewers. I wasn't very confident of how I write, but I write nonetheless because I know that is the only way for me to learn and improve.

I was boring. I write about what happen through my daily life, updating people about my school, my friends, my thoughts. I never took pictures, I don't think I'd need to. I was all about content - or so I see it that way. Then my daily journals upgraded to me writing about my observations.

I go deeper into my opinions, what I feel, what I see and what I think. I go into writing about my heart and its contents. And occasionally fall back to my diary writing style. I do abstract writing sometimes, via my poetic words, filled with double meanings and such. I get people thinking and guessing. 

Then my observations got upgraded again, I started writing honest reviews. I search for my first paid review cum research. Was not easy. I spend a few hours looking through websites to help me. I write and rewrite my content multiple times. Then I got tired looking for people to pay me and so I continue writing free reviews on things I just bought or things I come across or just a new place I visited.

As I grow up, my writing became more consistent. And I started writing articles that haunt me, articles that is hot and going viral. I started writing about wedding and the preparations, I started sharing how I got into debt, and how I got out of it, I started writing about parenting and kids. I share my deepest and most honest thoughts.

I began to realise my purpose, and why I stayed strong writing even when no one pays me moolah, it was never about moolah anyway. It was to touch people. It was to remind myself of the mistakes I had done, and to help others stay away from it. I wanted to help, to assure them that they are not alone... That is my purpose.

And when the opportunity to write to spread awareness, I will spring into action. I want to write about it when it is good. Afterall, sharing is caring, isn't it? 
May 2015 brings about more of me to write! 


Until I blog again,
Wassalam.

The etiquette of Cancelling Plans

Assalammua'laikum family, friends, readers and followers of this blog.

I am just driven to write this, following up from an old post: "The etiquette of Borrowing Money".

Recently Mommy R and I were just dishing out a random plan to lunch, and somehow it keeps getting cancelled, and Mommy R began to feel really guilty because it is usually cancelled on her end. And I am guilty for laughing at her. No need to be so apologetic la my dear love. And some asked me, "So what makes you so cool and what blows your top when plans gets cancelled?"

Easy peasy, here's what makes me so cool (or hot)

A mother with very young kids

Meaning your children still wears diapers, needs to be fed and cannot do things on their own yet. I forgive these people far very easily. Having had to raise some children myself, I know how plans gets changed by the minute because they decide to nap, or decide to just drop a bomb of poop onto the new fresh change, or that they just decide to scratch each other crazy. If you are a mother, you'd know the endless list of things these kids can come to. :)

I usually have Plan B or will be perfectly fine if the plan doesn't goes even if it is cancelled just a minute before our planned date. :)

I don't think these people will ever make me blow my top - well not unless their children grow up and are independent, but was used as an excuse. Then perhaps, perhaps I'd get mad. However, I can probably keep that mad phase short.

Cancelled with warning

Warning signs, like an early sms to say the possibility of cancellation. Simple text like, "Hey got caught in a meeting, doesn't look like it's ending anytime soon" Or "Mom just called, don't sound like good news" or "Can I just update you again about later?"

These warning messages are enough for me to come with Plan B and I would be damn cool if it does get cancelled in the end. Doesn't matter how long we planned to meet.

When someone prewarn me of something, I cannot get mad. That's just me.

Cancelled with valid reason

We all have priorities in our lives. And by now, at this age, your priority should really be your family. So what if we had planned this for 10years, if a family who has been away for 2 weeks calls you up and ask you for dinner, I'd choose family, so don't feel guilty about it, if you chose the same!

Family deserves a special place, anytime, anywhere, and if possible, every time, especially if you haven't seen them for awhile.

So don't eat yourself up if something more serious is the reason why we cancelled plans, something serious like someone got admitted in the hospital or mishaps like that. These are things no one can forecast.

BUT if you choose to lie about it, and IF I ever find out that your "uncle" who was admitted is actually a "date" who had asked you out for movie, then I would play the game back at you. I'd say I have something on then rot at home watching tv for all I care, after many days of planning - I care no more, and I won't be able to believe it the next time your uncle gets admitted.

When you are more than just my friend

When we develop a bond, a similar bond I'd have with my BFF and sister - or somewhere midway or if we are getting there - you'd be in my trust circle. Where anything goes - you'd be forgiven, provided you are just as cool if the tables turn.

My trust circle is fragile - just so you know.. I am very wary of people who gets too close due to this. However, there will be selected few who gets the express ticket into this circle via their actions.

When you tell at ease, and I can do so just the same, when we share and we remind.. You'd hold a special place. You know, the kindda friendship who can feel your anger, your sadness and yet able to hold you together to see the possibility of positivity behind all that negativity. Ya, I accept that I am complicated, like that. I needed a lot of that kind of friends, who show you they understand how you feel, even nodded crazy in agreement, and when we are both cool, they sit you down, and tell you, just maybe the guilty party meant it another way, maybe we are just over-reacting. Just maybe. I get it. And I love you for that.

And I love honesty, with this group, they can just call me and say, "can we cancel the dinner, I am dead tired, thought of resting.." Oh I'd gladly say ok, and sometimes assure them that I was thinking the same. ;)

This people won't make me mad unless they break the trust circle. When they conveniently promised tomorrow and leave me no updates even when tomorrow is over. When they stop considering my feelings all together because they know I won't be mad at them per se. Over time, these things will come up, it is then I choose to see it as you stepping on my head, or that it is you being you. And maybe you'd be sitting on the fence for awhile until I am sure of what it is you are playing with me.

Involves more than 2 other person

I get mad, not because I can't have a plan B, but because when it involves more than 2 other persons, and both I know more than you therefore I had to inform them of the cancellation, then it is wasting 2 other people's time that has been dedicated for you.

I am especially upset if I had to tell them since you don't really know them well enough or comfortable enough to tell them you need to cancel our meet up, because they'd throw nasty words at me since they don't really know you but know me.

BUT, if we know them equally and you can tell them yourselves, then I should not be too angry about it (Then this would make me cool about it - because then I have Plan B at ease)

Booking is required

When booking is required to be made, and you conveniently dump the idea. Like if we had planned a good hour just the two of us, (hey! Gfs date too, ya know!), at a restaurant, booking of table was made, the idea was on my planner, I rejected a date with the husband. Then I would fume mad - I think. Even if it was not my name on the booking, I'd fume mad. You got me excited on the dinner date!!! Then you dump the idea after me dressing up, with full make up, and killer heels. Oh FUME MAD!

OK fine, killer heels doesn't sound like me - Well I used to always wear killer heels... I can even run in them. Then again, even with my everyday long shirt and jeans, if we had made just detailed plans, and it gets cancelled at the last minute, then I'd be disappointed more than angry, actually.

Well unless you are in my trust circle, maybe. Or you inform me early and allow me the option to proceed on with someone else. Then I'd forgive you gladly in an instant.

Meeting to get something passed/exchanged

If you know me well, I'd hate to have to drag something out with me only to bring it back home. So if we are just meeting to have something passed to one another, then I'd like it to be over and done with. If it is me who want that stuff, I wouldn't even mind coming up to your door, if you are sick or unable to get out of the house for some reason.

BUT if you do not want to meet me, won't allow me to come up your house to get it, and just couldn't get an alternative date to meet again, then I'd be doubtful of you. I wouldn't dare to trust you 100% (then again I've always had trust issues!)

And if it is something that is at home, and it is just waiting for you to come by, I'd be okay to hold it for you, HOWEVER, if it has been more than 12 months, I ought to own this thing or do something about it, because honey, my house is not a free storage space.

You see, I am not a monster who would eat you alive just because what we planned didn't go like we wanted it to.. I think I am pretty reasonable.. For as long as you are reasonable.

And because the previous post, had got people mad because they subconsciously think it is about them, I had to add, that it is not about you. It is about me, my beliefs, and my ways.

With this said, do you have any other etiquette that I should be writing about? Fill me in if you do!

Wassalam,
Jun - not-the-monster

Saving a five digit amount in 1 year

Assalammualaikum family, friends, readers and followers of this blog.

Once again I came across a blog who shares how she saved a five digit in a year. As much as I know it is possible, but I don't quite agree it is something that work for everyone.

I didnt keep her blog url (otherwise I'd love to link her up). Well she used a $2.5K salary - which maybe only lucky ones get who are fortunate enough to graduate from NUS/NTU. I dunno. It has been some 7-8years since I graduated with a degree, so my salary although was past that $2.5K, was not entirely because of my degree but because of my long stay in the company and experience.

I'm someone who is very real, so typically, someone from ITE or diploma would possibly earn $1.5-$2K for a starting job if it is related to the course they study. If they chose something else, it could be more or less, depending.

And if you are talking about someone who have been working for a long while and is already earning $2.5K or maybe more, you have to also consider other things - like house payments, vehicle loan payments, insurance, road tax, a whole lot of bills, and possible a baby in the making or an already baked one, aging parents who need assistance with medical bills, etc.

The things I mentioned above can cost quite a lot. So skipping meals or downgrading to just hawker food wont help that much. Let's just get transparent. I will tell you what my expences are at this moment:

Car : $303.33/month
Season Parking : $114/month (one covered carpark for the car, one covered carpark for the bike and one family season for the bike at in law's place)
Pocket Money for Parents: $500/mth (on average - I give more when they have yearly check ups)
Tontine : $400/mth (I get returns twice every 12months - as long as I continue)
Insurance : $73.60/mth
WWF (donation) : $38.60/mth
Car Insurance : $54/mth (average)
Bike Insurance : $17/mth (average)
Road Tax: $12.5/mth (average)
HP Bills : $80/mth (average)
Cable TV bills: $100/mth (average)

This accumulates to a good $1700 (rounded off to nearest $10.).

Ok fine, I cheated, I shared the car insurance and dun pay for the bike insurance. ;) But hey! I used to before I was married. So ya.. Ok so the actual amt for me now is about $1650 (rounded off to nearest $10), and yes it just lessened by $50.

Do note, I haven't include food and other entertainments such as travelling. Neither have I included my travelling expences.

And no I dun drive all around, I take public whenever possible - So I top up my ezlink a good $50 and my husband settles the petrol needed for the car if we choose to drive.

So even without setting those out, if I earn $2.5K, I only get $2k debitted to my account and that leaves me $350. Good news, I earn more than that. But I was told not reveal too much, haha.. So let's just say I bring home $2.5K, I'd have $850 left for me to eat and travel to work. I can pretty much say I can comfortably save $350-500 a month if I keep my expences to its minimum - this means, no eating out, no shopping, no movies and no travelling - even to KL.

So that gives us $350X12 = $4,200 (min) or $500X12 = $6,000 (max) of savings. Since I have tontine, I can add another $4000 to the amount, and so if I save the max amt I would get $10K worth of savings at end of the year.

I know I can, but what about those people who just graduated. Let's just say someone with $1.8K salary. A fifth of his salary goes to CPF, A fifth of the balance the very least would have been gone to public transport to and from work. A tenth of the balance to hawker food daily (once for lunch everyday), the rest of the day either eat from home or at home, otherwise it'd take a fifth of the balance. That leaves him to $1040 (if it is just a meal a day) or $920 (if he choose to eat more than once at hawker). His mobile bills, say it chalk $60/mth, has a study loan of $100/mth to repay, he is obligated to give his parents pocket money of $200/mth, he would have been left with $600 (approx). So he can comfortably save $500/mth, leaving some $100 for his misc expenses or shopping if need be.

So $500x12, would just give him $6000 of savings for a year. Tell me, how much more can I cut down his expenses so he can save a 5 digit for a year?

I put away the possibility of having bonuses to keep it real, because a 13th month bonus is apparently up to the good will of the company and is never mandatory although it is by calculation, our rightful money if we are paid by the week.

So, yeah.. To save a five digit in a year, you need to at least earn $2.5k with min cost of living without much entertainment thru the year. No cafes, no movies, nothing. Just go to work, and go home.

That, my friends, is reality for you.

The more you earn, the more liability you will be caught up with.

Now I am just rethinking my desire to live off just one income. I guess we will all just succumb to our lovely home and nowhere else, we will hog the tv and just be contented with the roof above our heads.

I guess that is what we are destined to do.. Maybe.. Unless my husband lands himself to a dream job which let him bring home a good close to 5digit salary.. Until then, I shall keep praying.. InsyaAllah.. May our doa's be answered to the best of us. If it brings about the ugly us, then may Allah give us strength and faith to leave it to him for he knows what we know and knows what we don't.

If you have a more realistic way on how to save more with less, let me know. I can use a trick or two as well! :)

Wassalam,
Jun

Toddlers driving me insane!

Assalammu'alaikum family, friends, readers and followers of this blog! I hope your weekend was great and your Monday wasn't that blue..

I just read an article and this write up is definitely inspired by Katie M. McLaughlin's 7 Annoying Things Toddlers Do That Are Actually Good for Them

In the article, she mention these 7 points and as usual, I'd add my version in agreement plus maybe a few more that I think is part of growing up as toddlers.

Before I start I know many moms would wish to scream at my face that it is so easy for me to say because I don't have one of my own who I will have to face everyday.

Moms, I welcome you to scream all you want. Fact is, I've had my share of life with a kid to face everyday for 5years. She is turning 20 in 22 days' and is still around to tell you that it is true. And now I am facing one who had just turned 11months almost every weekend. I am human, I get tired too. And as a woman, I too have motherly instinct installed inside of me.

History has it that I had undergone miscarriage at 9weeks when I was 19 after being married for over 2 yrs. And present has it that I've been trying to conceive for a little over 2years now with no luck. Only HE knows how much I wanted one of my own, and I have never restrained myself from mothering any child if the need arise.

And to the many moms who had supported me, to encouraged to continue writing, who opened up to discuss many issues of today's parenting and children, who openly share my entries in agreement, I love all of you. You've all been kind. Thank you so much! Your agreement means the world to me, it means I am fostering my children right.

Make a total mess

With food! Oh yes! And especially when you are drained out of energy and just want the child to eat so we can all have a nice shower and be ready for bed, oh definitely yes! I've had that one before with my niece, just when you want to just get the feeding over and done with, the child just decides to take the plate and spoon feed herself, and sometimes, scooping it all with their hands (yes both of them! and sometimes legs too!). Worse is when she decides to sit on that cushioned chair... Arrrggghhh...

But guess what? She learned the words, right, left, food, eat, spoon pretty fast, faster than her more subtle sister who never really messed with her food. I mean everyone (especially children) learn best when they are having fun! But of course, like everything else, there is no guarantee.

So don't come suing us (writers of articles of the same subject) when your child don't learn the words after messing with her/his food, okay?

Insist on reading the same book over and over again

Yeah, Baby M had since made me memorize all her books. She loves the Bathtime one the most, and she always always open the book and put it to my face to make me read it to her. And her ABC song, and the Hi-5 Songs Compilations.

And oh.. the little children who never got bored with the "Let It Go" song... I memorized 70% of the lyrics already - not because I have a child who overly loved Frozen, but because I love it too! Heh!

And yes, Baby M is picking up some words, or the expressions to make when we read her books repeatedly as per demand.

You know, children learn by repetition and routine. They love it when they know what is coming next. They anticipate a repetition in everything, and they learn to adapt and be disciplined that way.

I've also read somewhere that children with consistent routine that never change are happier. I mean how would you be happy when you know 12pm in lunchtime and then someone just comes along and said NO, lunchtime is now at 3pm. How would you be happy about that? I guess the same goes to a child. They'd get very cranky when they don't know what to expect. They get very anxious, just like if I'd make you sit in a dark room and not tell you when I will come back, but just simply tell you to wait till I do. You'd be anxious trying to find out what I will do when I come back, what would you have to do when I come back, when will I come back, when will you be released.

I won't say it is by the time specifically but more of the order of things gets done (because children have no idea about the time concept), so they'd look for routines like, after eating, it'd be tv time, after that it'd be nap time, and when they wake up from nap, it's milk time, and after that it is a walk by the park. That kindda thing makes little children look forward to their day bonding with you.

Answer every single question with "No".

This I experienced with my second niece. She is now 18 turning 19 in December. The moment she learn to say No and the meaning, she kept saying NO. And yes, she was very independent, till today!

When she was a toddler, we asked things like,

"Can I carry you?"
"Can you hold my hand?"

"Want milk?"

"Sit down"

"Come here"

"Wear this one (one of the clothes)?"

All to which she said NO! to our face. Nice...

Baby M haven't learned to say NO, instead she is picking up "Dah" which means done.

So we asked her,

"Have you showered?"
"Ready?"

"Have you drank milk?"
"Have you slept?"

And of course we spoke to her in Malay (unlike my niece in which she prefer to speak in English), and she answered all with "Dah"

Cling to you for dear life

Some mothers dread this phase, but I enjoyed it. I was right all along to think that children who cling on someone is searching for security and comfort, and the more you pushed the child away, the more they'd be clingy. Else, the child would just find it in someone else. At this point, don't call out your green eyes filled with envy if you still refuse to reassure your child with a big hug. 

I love hugging children, especially when they wrap their arms around me. My nieces still does that and I can feel the sensational bonding between us. It is not describable by words. It is to be felt with the heart. My nieces cannot go without hugging and kissing me when they see me, and I have never been more proud that they are no a wee bit shy about giving me a hug and kiss even in public. 

And yes, this children do cling onto me at some point of their childhood, and they'd turn around to cling onto their mom when she returns, and sometimes their grandmother. And all the while, we as a family always always welcome their clingy-ness... Afterall they wont be clinging on to us when they grow a little older.

Throw temper tantrums

Of course! And it has to be in the eyes of new friends, family members whom you rarely meet, and judgmental strangers. And it is the moment of die if you do and die if you don't!

You give in and someone in the field would say, "Ya give in to a screaming child, and he'd be spoilt to the bones!"

You ignore and let him kick a big fuss and someone in the field would say, "Can you keep him under control? What kind of mom are you?"

Shut up! Really.... My child throws a tantrums. What exactly do you want me to do?? I am not exactly enjoying myself either! I am finding out what he is angry about, and I am no mind reader! 

I had to plan out how and what to say to him, to teach him about anger management in his tender age of 1 going 2! You think it is easy? Really? 

I cannot expect him to shut up and just not react when something upset him you know! Even we adults sometimes cannot contain that much of anger inside without expressing it out to someone, or can you?

Refuse to sit still

Helllloooooo.... I as an adult sometimes have issues with sitting still, so I am sure it is a little much to expect that out of a little kid who have everything to explore. Everything is new to him afterall, no?

Of course something under the table is more appealing, and if it is not, something over the table would be, and oh, under the plate, the cup, inside the bottle, the bowl, yeah everything!

A child is afterall a born explorer.. If he have no desire to explore, then he have no desire to learn. I don't want my child to not want to learn. Oh of course, he'd fall, pull someone's skirt or dirty someone pants, but he is only a baby trying to learn, right?

And all our children need to exercise don't they? Let them tire themselves, you'd thank them for doing so when they get totally worn out and sleep oh so well all night. *winks*

Dawdle

Yeah. This one pretty much slaps a lot of us in the face. 

And some of u asked, what is Dawdle... Heh! You didnt read her article yet, did you?

Well it is like being idle... delaying things that needs done... That sorta thing, and don't you dare lie about not ever trying to delay everything like you have all the time in the world.. We all have those days where we know we got to leave the house at 3 but find ourselves still in bed at 2.50!

Just like us, our little babies need us to slow down so he can do his thing like taking his time to get his shoes to his feet, or to just decide to drop the poop bomb just when you were at the door, or maybe starts to point to something and converse with you like never before. Allow your child to take his time...

This is also the very reason I never promise a specific time, instead I'd just say a rough time frame and send a text or call when I am near so the other mother or friend can come and meet us. And it is also the reason why I never can be mad when a fellow mom is late.

Also, when a baby or child wants you to stay a little longer with them, how can anyone resist right? It is just like when you see your mom and suddenly felt like hugging her and never let her go... It is that same feeling.

Now, this time round, I don't have much to add except this one...

Seeking attention

All babies and children yearns for attention. It is them being them, even some adults yearn for attention from time to time. Afterall you are all they have to seek attention from. You are the only person they can find comfort and security in. And if you don't give them the assurance and security they need from you now, when else would you be able to provide them just that? As this little babies grow, they'd make friends, have teachers, and would probably end up finding more comfort in them than in you if you don't assure them you will always be there when they need a hug.

If these little babies grow to know you'd always be there, they would always want you to be among the first people to know what they do. They would continue to grow and seek attention from you, because this time, they want to make you proud of them. So they'd want to show you everything, and I mean every single thing.. Like her new painting, her new teeth (or missing one), her new toy, the new word she just learnt, what she did in school, who she befriended, everything..

And if you pushed her aside now, she'd grow to not want to tell you anything because you are not interested. She would grow into adolescent full of resentment, finding comfort in complete strangers, and throw you the cold shoulders.

So mommies, daddies, caregivers, fosterers, adopters, give when they need it, give even when they don't want it.. Make it a habit, and pray they'd still talk to you when they grow into adulthood...

With that said, I hope all the mommies I know finds comfort that their babies are perfectly okay whenever they annoy you with all the mess, and everything irrinoying because now you know it is them growing to learn and something good is coming out of all these "pull-hair" moments.

Mom, I can't find my socks and shoes anywhere!!

If you have anything else to add, do leave a comment or drop me an email at junaidah_myusof@yahoo.com

Till another good entry,
Wassalam,
Jun