Rude vs Naughty Kids

Assalammu'alaikum family and friends,

I am back, and I couldnt help but write on this very sensitive topic.

Children and Parenting.

How do you tell your child is just being naughty, mischievious or being disturbingly rude and disrespectful?

I love kids, but one rude act and I get totally disturbed and turned off.

Yes, kids always say the darnest things, but there is a fine line to tell them apart.

Correction need to be made. Laugh because it is funny, but also teach them that it may be inappropriate.

The big NO words

I have always raised children in my home and my nieces and nephews are among the first to be under my care, before other children at some point of my life.

I can be that playful nanny who plays along and be like one of the children, but I act up like an adult should when it calls for it.

Disturbing words would receive a good smack from me, not to a point of abuse, but to point where they knew they should never mention such words ever again, and here is my list:

SHIT (in any language) - it is just not appropriate for children under 12 to use SHIT in every sentence. Why would it be funny when a 2 yr old come to your face and say "Eat SHIT"? Seriously?

STUPID - yes, call me old fashioned, but i believe words are just as good as prayers. You keep calling a child stupid and the child might just end up to be one. Noone is born stupid, learn! Get up and learn! Teach if your peers don't get it, don't call each other stupid. Don't you think it is insane if children really go around saying "stupid stupid stupid"

CALLING NAMES - It disturbs the hell out of me, my ears would have vomitted if it could when I hear people calling my children "FAT HIPPO" or "WALKING FRIDGE". What a way to grow up! Seriously, do you really enjoy it as a growing teenager/adults to be walking around being called names instead of your given names? You must have been sick!

Do you get the idea now? And of course all foul language is an obvious NO word to me. Trust me, I have heard a kid as young as 5 cursing and swearing and we (my parents, sisters and I) had nightmares!

Violence

For kids, this includes snatching, hitting, kicking and causing any slightest injury to self or their peers.

When hitting takes place, it is so wrong to hit that child and say "Don't hit your sister!"
The child will be confused! Why don't you put the sister away, and sit with the child and talk to him?

This is harder done than said without a doubt. I usually stop the fight by hugging the either one of the child. And coax to stop. When they do, I just talk to the child at eye level. The child understand more than you'd think. Tell them why and explain as much as you can, but keep it short and simple.

 Intelligence

As much as I understand the need of a parent to brag about his/her child's progress, I don't see how operating any gadget is any form of progress in terms of intelligence.

I am sorry if this offended you, and I respect you if you begged to differ. Yes, I admit the technology has helped in many ways for kids to advance.

**addition**
Unless the progress is to the child's knowledge. I mean why wouldn't anyone use technology to our advantage? What I am saying is the child's knowledge to download an app, or find out how to download an app in any gadget is NOT a form of progress. (At least not to me). If it is you, then congratulations.

I'd be proud to say oh my child learns the alphabets that early thanks to the iPad. Oh yes, that would be a positive progress. Learning alphabets and words from an iPad allows a kid to open a book and read. That's awesome.

Do note, every child needs to supervision from time to time, you can't just expect a kid to know when to stop. Guide them, and they would know.

**end of addition**

I am just old fashioned as you claimed. I really rather a child open the traditional book and read it (in sequence or not, in proper language or not). I really prefer a child who can narrate a story to me than to snatch my phone or any gadget and start playing.

Snatching my phone and finding an app or downloading an app to play is RUDE. I believe manners needs to be taught as early as the kid learns to talk.

Manners

Excuse me, thank you, please, may I. Simple courtesy gestures. These I teach my children as early as they learn to put little words together into a sentence. We play give and take with their toys, this will slowly develop the importance of seeking permission to use anything that may not be theirs or taking something that someone is using. My kids learn to say "Bibik, can I have my toy, please" when I am holding on to them without realising, and we make a point to reply, "Oh I am sorry, yes you may"

It teaches them that, even if it is theirs, they can always practice courtesy. And sometimes, we play rough, to teach them that sometimes people may not give what we want even when we are courteous. We still have to remain courteous anyway. You see, these little nifty grifty little things goes a long way, now my first two nieces are young adults, and I smile when I see them being courteous when things can really rough out there. I don't see many teenagers who can control their angry emotions as well as my girls.

Punishment

It comes in all forms, but most importantly is letting them know the lessons they need to learn. Tell them WHY, and how they can make up for the wrongs.

We never had to beat any of our children that were raised in our homes, nor do we have to really punish them. They sometimes questions us, "How come that kid can say that word and we can't?"

We explain to them as much as we can. And sometimes get down and say, "When you grow up, and know the meaning of that word, you'd thank me."

And my girls did just that one day when they were 14-15ish. They went "oh my goodness, Bibik.... I just found out what xxxx means.. eeeewwwww... " I smiled.

I am not a biological mother yet

Yes, shoot me. I am not a mother yet, I don't have kids of my own yet. Here I am yapping about parenting, oh yes, wait till I have kids of my own, and we'll see how it goes.

Thank you dearest, thank you for praying for me to have my own kids.

I do note, in every gesture and words, that these children are not mine. In every lesson I teach, I tell myself, these children will go home to their mommies and no children will be sleeping with me. I can't wait to have my own and see how I manage them. I really can't.

I am not teaching anyone parenting, I am just sharing my views. :)

Shoot me your comments, of anything I miss out, or anything you want to add. I would love to hear from you!

Wassalam,
Jun

Story of my life : Rewind, Pause, Play - Part 3

Assalammu'alaikum family and friends,

As you would have read in my previous hidden posts (request them to be published, once published it will be on for 2hours max before it gets hidden again). My life moved on.

And I never knew I can get where I am now when I decided to move on..

That gets us to this entry part 3:

Story of my life : Play

Love:

I never believed the folks when they said, "You'll know when he's the one, and it will keep coming to surprise you"

He came as someone I never expected I would marry. After kindling a friendship for just over a year, we got engaged, and 22 months later, we were married... It has been over a year since we married. As much I was seen irritated and annoyed by him, I will keep choosing to marry him again and again, because he completes me like noone else would.

Career:

I got back in track. I had the worst of my two years having to experience what it is like to be bonded. I left when it was over, and had never enjoyed working at a more relaxed paced with no strict rules. I couldn't say enough love towards my boss and colleagues.

Business:

As I slowly played along, so did my business. It started blooming beyong my very own imagination. As of now, I have 2-3 more samples to complete, and 2 outstanding orders. A photoshoot scheduled for next month (if that couldnt happen, it will happen in June for sure), Catalog design and distribution, more proposals, etc. Who would have guessed I made it this far? And this is not all, I intend to go further!

Time:

With everything going and falling into places, I find very little time to plan a meet up and mingle/socialize with my friends. I only kept close to a small trusted family and friends. Like everyone else, I too had 24 hours a day. With career taking up 8-10hrs a day, and a gd 6-8hours of sleep a day, I am pretty much left with just 6-10hrs to do everything there is for me to do.

I had to cook, do laundry (washing, hanging to dry, folding, ironing and keeping it where it belongs), cleaning (sweeping, mopping) and everything else there really is to do at home. On top of that I had plenty of samples to complete and orders are streaming in.

I would really rather spend that 2-3hrs spare that I could find to spend my time with my husband and both sides of parents. I am sorry dear friends, you will see less and less of me, when my training as a Business Consultant begin too. Then, my time will be really limited, I will have to meet clients, train and the last thing I would do is really sit and talk with nothing much done.

Being an enterpreneur:

This is probably why not everyone is cut out to be an enterpreneur. We can't stop being productive. We made full use of the little time we have, in between snacks, in between chores, in between "rest" time to do as much as we can that can boost our business, and inspire others alongside us. We are not after the money, we are after the journey. We want to plant pretty flowers as we walk the path noone else took, so people would take a peek and smell the flowers we plant along the way.

Life at Play:

It is something I wouldnt want to ever have to pause or rewind. I hope it keeps playing, and I hope my friends understand why I keep declining invitations after invitations to meet. Not now... my friends.. Give me time... When my life has played enough, I will take a pause and spend my entire day with you knowingly there are people working on things that needs worked on for me.

Wassalam,
Jun

More about planning a wedding....

Assalammualaikum family, friends and readers. Here again, and we are back to weddings again. High demand for wedding-related write-ups it seems...

After going through the post about Saying No to Bridezilla, I have received some request to write more about the wedding itenary and the planning that comes with it.

And... I am more than happy to fulfil it. Here goes... Are you ready?

Planning a Wedding

Save the Date

So now, we've settled the date. If it is a HOT date, I hope you fall in Scenario 1 and not 2 or 3. If it is a non-peak date, I still hope you fall in Scenario 1.

Scenario 1: More than 12 months before the date

12months to go. Start catching your caterer! Set a date for food tasting and get a few others to compare with and decide within the next 1month or less. Some caterers are fully booked as early as 2yrs ahead, so do take note.

Scenario 2: Less than 12 months but more than 6months before the date

You have lesser time, which means you will be pressured. You need a long list of highly recommended caterer, make up artist and get your outfits sorted out soonest. Else you might risk getting the Bridezilla fits. Better to be stressed now then to stress nearer the date.

Scenario 3 : Less than 6months before the date.

Oh HELP! Having a wedding so soon? Are you serious? Ok ok. If it is really the case, you gotta start shooting and just grab and make do with what is left. At this point, please don't expect everything to go your way, and if it does, you are so super lucky! Remember the advice Sis Neny got? "Do not expect too much." This advice applies if you are in this scenario. And it applies to everything!

 Primary list to strike off not in real accordance after setting the date:

Caterer: 

This is what any wedding will be remembered for the most! Be wise in choosing them. Variety may be tempting, but having too many varieties sometimes ends with wastage. So take a look at your guestlist, are they really two poles apart, or they would actually be happy with just 7 dishes, 2 types of rice, and 3-4 drinks?

AND.... this will take at least 40-50% of your whole wedding budget. Mine was almost 60% of the whole wedding cost.

**Venue:

Decide where you want your wedding held. Void deck, Multi-Purpose Hall (MPH), Community Centre (CC), Hotel, Restaurant?

For void deck, MPH or CC, I belive has the same timeline. Earliest to book would be 3months prior to date. I am not entirely sure about Hotel/Restaurant. Send out enquiries now and be sure.

Ask the rental rate, timeline, timing limitations, guests limitations, etc.

For void deck rentals, it depends on location. Mine was $50/day + $10/day/power socket + $10/day/water point.

My husband's was $70/day, power and water the same.

For MPH, the last I asked, it cost between $100-300/day depending on location.

For CC, the last I asked, it cost between $300-1000/day depending on location.

So how many days should you be renting? I rented for 3 days, Fri through Sunday, but my tables and chairs came on Wednesday and it was arranged on Thursday. This greatly depends on your neighbours sometimes. People get angsty and start complaining, then you have to be ready to rent for those additional days as well.

Make up Artist:

You gotta look good. Again, choose wisely. I didn't really choose mine, because I was that laid back, besides I hardly put on make up on a daily basis so any make up guru's touch will do magic to my face.

However, if you are a person who regularly applies make-up. Be fussy. You have a right to be fussy, get a make-up artist who can work with you to what you want. Of course, they know better than you, but don't just sit there feeling miserable knowing you won't like what they are applying on your face. Then again, that don't give you real rights to be telling them what to do, listen up when they wish to highlight some things. Communication is about listening before talking. :)

Again, if you find a make up artist that is such a darling, who dolled you up so pretty, book her fast! And make it formal so she won't back up or get booked officially before you do. They need security deposit too, afterall you are taking up her 10hours away!

Also, please ask if they have a fixed "toll" for the groom. Whilst some are open to play along the peak a boo session, some would prefer a one time confirmed payment. Don't assume. Pls ask.

Outfit(s):

Emersed yourself with photos of manequins and models, but don't forget to try. What looks good on a model/mannequin may overpower you. Get one that you fit in and feel comfortable in it. You will be wearing the outfit for at least 2-3 hours on a possibly hot day.

I designed my own outfits because I can't find any that is Muslimah enough for me. I designed them even before I was engaged. So I handed over my sketches to the wedding planners who handed it over to the tailors to see who can do them for me.

Here are my three outfits:

Outfit 1 (which I kept as momento and wore it again for Hari Raya)

 With the above said, if you are keeping one outfit as momento, keep it simple. And ask, will you wear it again as yourself?

Outfit 1 (sitting, a simple outfit)

Outfit 2 (more bling and detailed)

Outfit 2 (sitted)

Outfit 3 (simple yet elegant!)

I also get to choose the fabric myself, along with my wedding planner who advised me what fabric is better on which designs.

With outfits, don't forget your shoes! Many brides and grooms forget them! When trying your outfit, try it with the shoes you are wearing for the wedding. Make sure the length is okay. And I for one, forgot how detailed my outfits are, and I had to get a shoe with blings, and ended up having almost all the outfits stucked as I walk. Fun experience I must say!

Deco/Theme:

Deco to me is very secondary. Like I posted before, sometimes it is not the deco that hype up the event, it is the people who welcomes the guests. If you have a super long guest list, you can minimize your deco, with so much human traffic who would actually sit, stare and start counting how many flowerpots you had, or how many fancy little chandeliers you had hanging? They don't really care! They wanna see you, and eat (most of us look forward to weddings for the food, right?)!

Theme, it is good if you have a theme you want to work around with. For me it was a simple blue theme. And I just left it to them how to do it. I only tell them the colours I want, a Royal Blue is a must, contrast it with Baby Blue and white. And the rest is a wonderful surprise, you should see my face when I got home from work on Thursday. I was literally jumping around and snapping photos. LOL!

Dowry:

On dowry, this should be discussed among parents and it really is about how your family is raised as well. Whilst it should really reflect how much your event cost, it should also be on par with the groom's affordability and the bride's ability. You wouldn't want to burden your future husband with debts right after you are wed. Regardless, respect and proof it. Sometimes, the bride-to-be parents' are just concerned and would like to see if the groom is capable of saving the money - it really shows if he can save for the rainy days with their daughter. However, please don't start bargaining or setting really high price like you're selling some fish in the market. Respect the bride too, please.

Gift Exchange / Gubahan :

What to get? How many? Who? How?

This, is again, discussed among you the bride and groom. For my case, we both like practicality. We want both our gifts in exchange for something we would use. I am not a brand-freak. So there are no Pradas, Coach, LVs or anything like that on mine, and it is not because he can't afford it but because I have no appreciation what-so-ever for high end brands, and I don't know why.

Here's our list:

For her:
2 FOSSIL Watches (yes 2!)
1 BodyShop Hamper
1 Qur'an + Translation for Muslimah
1 Telekung + Sejadah
1 Jubah + Shawl
1 Cake
1 Dowry + Ring (Maskahwin)

For him:
1 set toiletries
1 set Baju melayu + Samping
1 Sejadah + Songkok
1 chocolate "Masjid"
1 Jellycake
1 Fruit Basket
1 Cake
1 Tablet
1 wallet + Belt

If you need help to decorate your gubahan, find one quick if you are in Scenario 2 & 3, most gubahan services do not take in last-minute requests, they will need at least 1 month to do a good job

Wedding Favours:

Depending on your request, are you okay with anything, or would you like a personalised kind of wedding favours? Are you just in need of something to give, or you would like the guests to use them when they get home?

Do you want to DIY or you wanna just get someone to do it for you?

I got my wedding favours done by ourselves. We did our Crochet Simple Baskets and give away Salted Duck Eggs for the adults and did the Mesh Sachets for the kids with a mix of jelly, chocolate and sweets in them.

Why I choose to take on my own business is because I want a variety of colours to pop my wedding, and no other vendors can do that for my wedding favours.

My husband had eggs in a box as his wedding favours.

Wedding Invitations:

Of course! For this, I'd say go at a minimum, if you have a tight budget. Why? Well not everyone would keep your wedding invitation, face it. 99% would just look at it once or twice before throwing it away after your wedding is over. Don't waste too much on them. Unless.. UNLESS, you wanna DIY with personalized gifts, like how a friend did hers as a chocolate wrapper with an actual chocolate in it. Now, for that, yes... people will remember it! And it will be special, maybe you can do this for a special list.

Do you know? My sister's wedding invitation was done on a simple words document and she simply photocopied them and got them out just like that. I mean, if you're really tight, do consider that, like I said, it is very rare that people would remember how your wedding invitation looks like.

Just make sure there are no major spelling errors, in fact, make sure there is absolutely no spelling errors, people take offence to that sometimes, so make sure and have someone else vet through a second round before giving the "OK" to print mass. :)

Oh what to have in your wedding invitation, you asked?

You can google for templates and there are good ones too! Here's one very basic template:

Secondary list to strike off not in real accordance after setting the date:

 I list these in the secondary list, because I can live without these, but for some, I understand, that what I may list here may be one of your must-haves, and I'd respect that.

DJ/Emcee:

You will need someone who can host the event, someone who would announce when you are arriving, and when it is time for some photo-taking for the family, etc.

Mine? I can't remember. I didn't even know how he looked like, more because of where I am sitted and where he is located. Due to space constraints, my poor DJ was located behind me! Anyway, do tell him what you want if you do have something in mind, do you want an interactive sessions, or more music less talk? Be clear if you KNOW what you want. And leave it to him if you really don't think it as the main factor of your event. 

Henna:

For brides, decide who you want, or what designs you want. For my case, I leave my wedding planner to surprise me. When the henna lady came, I told her to surprise me because I really don't know what to have it on. I am just so not fussy with this. I'd be happy even with just the tip of my fingers done. :)

Car Deco:

Keep it to your theme. Keep it simple - more like it. Unless you are going to make an ultra grand entrance. Or if it is the highlight of the whole event. :) Mine, again.. I leave it to my wedding planner. And yes, we used my father-in-law's humble car. :)

Bedroom Deco:

I wasn't fussy mainly because my room with be out of boundaries once I am out of the house. My solemnization was done at the void deck, so noone will actually come into my room for sneak peek or any sort. So ya, anything goes for me. However, if your room will be open for all relatives to come and see (especially if your solemnization is held in your house), then yes, please do decorate it well as most likely, people are going to walk into your room to take photos and such.

Wedding Cake:

Ah yes, wedding cake. Please be realistic. I didn't and had trouble giving out my cake! LOL! I ordered a three tier real cake and had to packed and forced it to my relatives to bring home. Sometimes, a wedding cake can just be a simple single tier cake. Or if you're okay, and your family don't mind, do without it. :)

Photography/Videography :

I wanted a videography done for my solemnization, but as per packaged, it comes together as a whole 2 days event videography. So does the photography. Mine was packaged in so I don't need to worry about it. And again, I am not so fussed about it. As long as I get nice moments captured, to me I wanted candid shots to relive the moment. And I enjoyed the company of my cameramen and videoman. :)

Kompang :

For the groom, for some families they are okay if you don't have one. To me, it will just be less lively. A good group would be booked 6months to a year full. So remember to book early if you don't want to leave them out! Most kompang comes with the bus for the groom's family as well, so ask.

For the Muslims, don't forget these:

Marriage Course:

It is compulsary to attend, and the course is between 1-3days, costing $120-180/person. Take note of the time and location, most of these organisation would not accept latecomers. 

ROMM registration:

This can be done 7 calendar days prior at the earliest or within 150 calendar days at the latest from the date of registration. Meaning if you register now, the earliest date available is between 7 calendar days from today till 150 calendar days.

Duit Kadi:

Always check with the website, at your own venue, a kadi normally charges $100 for his transportation and services. 

Maskahwin:

 As of now, I believe it is still a minimum of SGD$100. Maskahwin can be in form of cash or gifts (preferably gold)

Priorities set straight

Give a direction

Overall, your event will only happen when you set the direction right, have a direction with your primary concerns, and the secondary ones will follow suit.

Trust

It goes a long way. Sometimes what make an event stressful is when there's lack of trust on the people who is making it possible for you. Don't put unnecessary pressure. It might just make matters worst. Give yourself a break, breathe, and allow someone else - your right man/woman to take over. If something did go wrong, it is heavily relying on your reaction to it, are you going to blow it up out of proportion or are you going to breathe and tell yourself it is okay and just move on? Chances are if you chose the latter, no one would realize something actually went wrong.

Itenary

In a typical Malay wedding, there will be 2 scenarios:

Scenario 1: 

We will have a 2 day event, broken into Day 1: Solemnization and Day 2: Sanding.

Scenario 2:

We will have a 1 day event, broken into Morning (usually between 9-11am): Solemnization and Noon-Evening: Sanding.

Solemnization:

Typically we give the whole ceremony of solemnization an approximately 2-3hours. Grooms, please remember to come at least 30-45 mins earlier than the scheduled time. This is to avoid any unforeseen delays and to give you time to settle down while waiting for the Kadi, and also room for the elders between two families to officialise the event, with greeting and final showcase of the dowry, etc.

Brides and Grooms, get your documents ready and hand them over to your VIPs (refer to Bridezilla post). Get the documents from all your witnesses as well, if they refuse, leave it till the Kadi asks for it.

After it is over, there will be private photo-taking of the newly weds, and immediate families, give them a while before you jump and request for a photo. Afterall they had just relieved the biggest moment of their life. :)

For Scenario 1, depending on your caterers, some provide a small buffet for 100 pax for your guests who had come by to watch your special moment, whilst some only provide the buffet later that evening for those who wish to come by for a chat.

For Scenario 2, set the itenary straight, are you rushing for time? What time do you want scheduled for an outfit change, or do you want to rest for a couple of hours privately before you continue with event. Plan now!

Some would proceed on, and some would give a short break to catch up, depending on the time of solemnization. If yours is at 9am, of course there will be ample time for you to catch a short nap even! But if yours is at 11am, it would be best to just proceed along. Schedule your next outfit change at 2pm, maybe?

Sanding:

For Scenario 1, it will be another day.... Depending on the location between the bride's and grooms, please give ample time for travel and give some buffer for unforeseen delays.

Typically, the bride will get down sitted on the dais between 11-12.30pm. And the groom will arrive at 1pm.

With this said, your make up artist may schedule to step in as early as 9am.  Better to be early than to be late. You can never tell what could go wrong, I for one had my left eye crying to an unstoppable rage. LOL. We kindda panic, but we made it, Alhamdulillah.

Plan early, do you want to eat here, in the first Sanding outfit, or you want to eat over at the Grooms (before of after the second outfit?). You got to decide now.

I had mine in my first outfit, rest, some photo taking, then head down to the Groom's. We are at the Groom's at about 2.30ish. Schedule for an outfit change after 1-2 hours at the Groom's. Mine was scheduled at 4pm. And we left at 5pm.

We got back to my place by 5.30pm, with just enough time to have a few family photos, cake-cutting and close up with the salams to the elders.

Outdoor Shoot:

If you have an outdoor shoot, you can either schedule after your solemnization (for Scenario 1) or have it after your event is over (for both Scenario 1 and 2).  I had mine done after the event is over because I badly wanted a sunset shot!

Here is one of my favorite!

Well, ya not exactly a sunset shot, but it shows the array of sunset sky. :p

That's all Folks

I hope I had it all covered. Do drop me a comment if I missed anything else. :)

Wassalam,
Jun

How to start saving?

Assalammu'alaikum family and friends,

I hope all is well with you. If you haven't realised, I have removed my last two posts for some reason. Do drop me a comment if you want them back on and the purpose, and I might consider re-publishing it again.

So yes, after all the posts about debts incurred and how I cleared debts, let's share some saving plans this time.

So what's first?

Set a target

Set a realistic target, please. How much do you want to save, and by when?

If you are someone who had never succeeded in saving any amount, start small. If you are someone who just can't see kah ching without spending it, create an account without the ATM card, and set an auto ibanking transfer. If you have been saving but just undisplined, reward and punish yourself to keep up with the discipline.

Start small, and increase gradually.

If you are someone who had never saved, try small. $1, $2, $5 a month. Or just 10cents, 20cents, 50cents daily.
I started with just saving my small changes. Amazing how coins accumulates to hundreds when deposited in a month or two. When saving such small amounts are easily achieved, double it up, or raise it a notch, and see the difference.

The above table is an easy start small plan. It is not that big to set aside $31 a month, is it? If you keep the discipline, this small plan will get you over $300 of savings in a year. If you want to be ambitious and save more, here's another plan.

With the above you get over $5K in a year!

Reward and Punish

I am someone who just couldnt help myself but to spend sometimes, and rewarding/punishing myself helps with my savings. I punish myself when I used what was meant to saved by repaying double to the next month on top of the monthly auto transfer. Feel the pinch, and you won't want to use it unnecessarily again.
I reward myself when I didnt touch my savings by simple gestures, like buying a cup of bubble tea, or just by claiming the "never enough" hug from the husband.

Give it a reason

Give your savings a reason. What is it for? A holiday? For renovation? For a furniture? Or for you future children?

When you have a reason, you'd be driven. With a reason, you will have a timeline for the savings too.

Above all....

And above all that, take the first step and start saving. Do it comfortably. Even with $1/day, it is still savings. Give yourself a pat at the back when you made it.

Share with me if you have other technique to keep up with savings. :)

Wassalam,
Jun

Say No to Bridezilla!

Assalammu'alaikum family and friends,

As some of my younger friends are getting ready to hit the wedding bells, I thought it'd just be nice to give some tips to avoid turning into a Bridezilla.

I have had my moments whilst preparing mine, just that I was being such a kiasu that my panic attack was 6months prior to the big day, so that left me and my wedding planner team ample time to work it out and settle it a month prior the THE day.

So there it is :

Tip 1: Plan way in advance

I don't know how else to emphasize the importance. I had mine planned 19 months ahead. I got engaged in Feb 2011, I had my wedding planner in tow in May 2011. My wedding was in Dec 2012.

That 19 months, as long as it sounds, is actually pretty short.

Tip 2: Get a list of things to get done

Yes, simple as that. Get the list written/typed and pasted on your book, fridge, or even your bedroom door. There will always a little something to add as you are passing day by day to the wedding.

Here's my initial list:

Wedding theme - colours, songs (DJ), food/drinks
Wedding costumes - how many, what colours, what theme?
Guest List - family, friends, colleagues


Smart small, it will grow - trust me!

Tip 3: Appoint your VIP

Not VIP Guest, but VIP assistants, the people whom you'd trust the most to handle your wedding or someone who know your taste and can make decisions of behalf.

Your Right Man/Woman (preferably a family member) - She/He will be holding the house keys, and will be the key person anyone should look out for if you are not around. She must know what your itenary is and what to expect when.

Your Bestman/Bridesmaid (preferably a friend) - why not family member? Simple answer for this one. Family members usually get distracted and pulled over by your family guests. Your bestfriend would be ideal for this job, because he/she would know who your family and some friends at least. Her/His job would be to keep track of time, and to be at your service, he/she should be the one running for you, get the water for you, and the one who should inform your make-up artist if something is amiss. And she/he would be carrying your important things like your mobile/wallet. So you gotta trust her/him and she/he needs to very reliable.

Tip 4: Leave the work to the experts

Yes, as much as we want to get involved and do everything ourselves, some things are better left to the professionals. Just tell them what you want, and allow them to surprise you.

If you are a perfectionist, learn to let go, don't expect everyone to fly to the sky. If you are the bo-chap sort, don't let everyone else decide for your wedding. You have to set the direction before you can leave everything to everyone. If you don't have a direction, everyone will be going in every direction in opposites and won't see to work in the same direction.

Of course, if you want to give a personal touch, do what is within your means, don't overload yourself and over-stress yourself or putting yourself under unnecessary pressure.

I did my own wedding favours and had started almost immediately after I have my wedding planner on board, and had expressed to her my intentions.

Tip 5: Get all the help you can

Again, as much as we want to be independent, it is during this time that you'll be glad there is help. Tell your friends if you need a pair of extra hands, most would be glad to help in!

Tip 6: Hand it over to your VIPs

As we are nearing our big dates, it will be time to hand it over to your VIPs to take over. Tell them when your cake is coming, who is the person baking your cake, how your cake is suppose to look like, tell them when the henna artist is coming, when the make up artist is coming, what time you are scheduled to change, what time you are scheduled to eat. Tell them the whole itenary, and allow them to take the load off you.

Tip 7: Take a break and do a little retreat

About time! Give yourself a break, with people taking over your worries. Relax, go for a retreat and destress for awhile. Trust your VIPs. They would want a perfect wedding for you too...

Tip 8: Get enough sleep

We all get cranky when we don't sleep enough. Go schedule an alarm to go to sleep if you must. Don't stay up too late! If you really did leave something out, just relay the message to your VIP. Before that, ask yourself, is it really important for you to not miss this, or it is something that you can do without and still be happy? Don't overstress your VIPs, they are human too. Don't be too authoritative else they would find it a burden.

Tip 9: Relax and Enjoy the day.

Finally the day has come? Relax... Stay positive, remember everyone has been waiting for this day, of course they want it to be as perfect as you had planned.

"Do not have high expectations" - one the of best advice Sis Neny got when she was getting married.

This would let you feel surprised at how perfect your wedding ends up to be. Trust me, all weddings will have their hiccups. What makes it different is how you, the wedded couple, reacts to it.

Let your wedding planner and VIPs work things out, you just have to relax... Don't worry, everything will be fine, afterall you've got each other now.. :)

Tip 10: Smile and Love

This is something I failed to do a lot during my big day. I dunno what was on my mind, I had fun, but it was hard to smile and love at that point. My husband wasn't posing well, neither did I. In fact there are a few pictures that caught me frowning or staring into empty space.

Here's one:

I have absolutely no idea what I was doing or thinking when my cameraman snap this photo. LOL!

So future brides and grooms, please remember to smile and love on your big day. Show the world it is your big day and that you are happy with your chosen partner. Dah Halal dah... peluk la sampai pagi!

I hope all the above would help you in your planning and bring you smiles.

If you like this entry, you may find this entry useful to you too.

Wassalam,
Jun

Review for service rendered by MYVOshop.com & YJhosting.com

Assalammu'alaikum family and friends,

Yes, time for another review. Many friends approached and asked me who did my website of late as I promote it frequently with the coming promotions and what not.

I am proud to mention the people behind my website. It was affordable, and what made me more proud was that the people behind it who had been liaising with, delivering me step by step tutorials on how to maintain my website and who in truly commited to serve me as a client to deliver the website I wanted, is a lady.

The package was transparent, pretty much DIY, needs a lot of effort on both sides, and most importantly, very pocket friendly for a very professional touch. I personally couldn't say enough about how much I love it because I can pretty much say I did a lot of work alongside the creator and designer.

I took ownership of the website majorly because I had inputs done by myself (with much guidance of course!). I played with sizes, and upload all my products, playing with the attributes and had so much fun playing with it!

This option is highly recommended for those with a low budget, and especially for those who are willing to learn and do much of the website themselves.. Please don't expect it to be ready in 2 weeks if you did no effort in providing all details, pictures and much of the information needed. For such service (all done up for you), would cost you at least SGD$1500!

It is because effort and inputs are required by you personally that this option is much cheaper and more fun to work with. The lady behind all these is Yvonne Joseph, and you can find her on her FB Page. And oh! Her IT guy is also very helpful and pretty quick in getting our questions answered. :)

I tell you, when you work so well with her and be very co-operative, she will be very capable in adding some magic by adding pretty pictures to your work to make it more vibrant. She will give you ideas when you run low, and you can pretty much throw her any question and she is always more than willing to help you out within her means.

I have no regrets engaging her to do up my website, I mean, look at it. Isn't it awesome?

And oh! You can even get her to help do up your email accounts like I did, and that is ever so awesome to me!

If I ever need another website, I would not hesitate to engage her and go through the whole process again and again!

Go check her shopping cart services out alright!

Wassalam,
Junaidah

The etiquette of borrowing money

Assammu'alaikum family and friends,

Of late, my BFF and I keep coming across people who just dunno how to appreciate us when we lend them that extra cash they "need".

We do not ask for much. We just want the following:

Updates:

You had borrowed from us, and promised us to pay when you get your salary checked in.
So why are there no updates apart from the newsfeed on your facebook about the recent trip, the recent shopping and the recent celebrations? No, we won't be angry had you just text us, "Hey, sorry... Can I pay you the next XXX. I forgot about that trip my friends and I planned."

Be on time:

Be on time, since we loan you the cash timely, we expect you to deliver us your promise or the very least an update on time too. If you had promised to pay on 15th, it means the 15th, and as much as we kept ourselves silent, we won't be able to help but to complain if nothing comes along by the 16th. So be on time, if you can't make it, text us.

Pretend we are banks, and not mind readers:

Had we been the bank, do you think we would accept your lateness in paying with such empathy? I guess not, banks would charge interest, plus late payment charges. So stop telling us to magically read your mind and simply understand you, why don't you do the updating to us?

As is, we sympathize with your situation, which is why we loan you the cash. Don't make us regret loaning you the money.

It is not the sum nor is it about who:

It doesnt matter how much you owe or who you are to the person you owe.

You can be my mother, my sister, my BFF or my customer. It can be $5, $50, $500, or $5000.

If you had owed me $50,000, promising me to pay in December 2015. Then pay up on time or earlier and noone would know you owe me. But if you owe me $5, promising me to pay me yesterday and no news were conveyed to me about why you havent pay, then I have my rights to warn others against you.

I can be nice and disregard it, but remember... habits starts small too.

I obviously cared, and don't want to get into the habit of borrowing money unless you really are genuine about paying it back on time.

When is it I owe you, and when is it a favour from you?

Simple. You owe me if you said something along the lines of, "I owe you. Will pay  by xxx"

It is my sincere favour when I said something along the lines of, "No need, this is from me, not borrowed."

And I usually accept it as a favour when people say something along the lines of, "It is okay, I pay for you. You pay me when you have excess cash"

BUT, I disregard it when that person reply something along the lines of, "NO, I promise, I will pay you by xxx"

And I accept it as my favour for you when you reply something along the lines of, "You say uh, I accept your favour"

Have your manners!

Now, have your manners, it is already good enough that we didnt mention names. It is only right for you to pay and apologize for taking too long to update/pay up.

With this said, we are not any kind of money lenders, and we are not rich to be loaning others disregarding our own shortfalls.

My BFF and I, we both don't own anything branded. We lived humbly, with things that can just make do. We are not rich, so when we do offer you something on loan, we do have a special spot for you. Take care of that spot, because it will be tarnished when you just keep silent and disappeared. Don't come back to us when you really need help, because chances are.... we may not believe it again in fear of repetition.

This post is not about you!

And oh please.. this post is not about you. It is about borrowing money and the etiquette we expect of from people who borrowed from us.

No offence.

If you like this post, maybe you'd like to read about "The etiquette of Cancelling Plans" too. :)

Wassalam