Out of Character

Assalammualaikum my beloved friends,

 

I hope all is well, as usual.. It's my third day with nothing to do in the office... Driving myself nuts eyeing for work like a vulture looking for a dying victim. Seriously, having nothing to do gives me a whole lot more stress than when there is too much to do.

 

Strangely, my fingers went typing and clicking to websites that used to turn me off. The first website i went to, I researched on its background, testimonials, and subsequently, their available packages. And I went on and on to their competitors to compare prices. And this is definitely out of character. I haven't look into that sector since 4 yrs ago. Although I do mention it, but i never went to this extent before. I am feeling eager, scared, surprised, and excited.

 

Then, the reality bites. I calculated, and figured I will take 40months before I can plunge and execute what I had in mind. We both discussed briefly.. But never got into details. We spoke of possibilities, but no affirmations or confirmations. I blushed when I think about what was said. I smiled when I recalled his face. And I prayed so hard every night to give me light and show me if he is truly meant to be mine.

 

He never instantenously agree with what I say or what I think. He argues about other possibilities, and I love him for that althought i always reacted and looked unhappy with him disagreeing with me. I loved him so much because he is different, he has all that stuff that I never had in me. He took charge of things that I never get around controlling. He straightened my life with his supporting and loving care. Sometimes, he never listens enough and talks too much, but that is just what I need sometimes. So I will be dumbfounded and think through what I had just said and consider what he just said. True, there are many times and moments that I just wish he would just nod his head and agree with me for once. But I also know that I will hate it at a later stage.

 

Sometimes, i do wonder if I deserve him or vice.. I dunno.. I could never imagine how life would be if he didnt come into my life as who he is right now. I could never really imagine if he never accepted me, if he just wanted to be friends.. The only thing that I can imagine right now is the future of us, me him and lots of kids.. caring for our parents with sincere love and care. Travelling to our hometown, with lots of smiles and love.

 

40 months... will we see to it? Can my parents wait that long? Will he be happy?

 

Before I was just afraid if he only treated me as a friend,

Then I was just afraid if he couldn't accept what happened to me in the past,

And now, it seems that I am afraid of the future, what the future brings... and If my loved ones including myself will see to it... hang on thru it, and fight till the end of time.

 

It is only when I am with him, close to him that I can truly be myself and not worry. If when I am with him, that nothing else mattered.

 

Ya Allah, murahkan lah rezeki ku, panjangkanlah umur ibu bapa kami, percepatkan la jodoh kami, dan Ya Allah, jauhkan kami dari maksiat dan gangguan syaitan, Ya Allah. Permudahkan la niat kami yang murni, Ya Allah. Amin Amin Ya Rabbal Alamin~

the struggle to stay afloat

Assalammu'alaikum my friends....

 

I hope all has been well since my last update for you as it has been for me. It's been almost 3months since I wrote eh...

 

And it's been 3 months filled with pleasant surprises. Been out and about with all my favorite people and indeed I have enjoyed myself tremendously, especially since I am with all my loved ones close at heart.

 

For the first time since my younger days, I really enjoyed visiting through the Hari Raya with my darling and his friends.. In fact, for the first time in my 20-odd years, I had really enjoyed doing so for 4days straight, 3 of which was with in the company of really great people. Tired, but with a smile of face for many years to come, as I will definitely be looking forward to more.

 

The last time I wrote, I was serving my last few days with my previous coy and now.. things got a little more complicated.. I'm still doing what I did for the past 4-5years.. still in the same line, so yes, I am bound to meet people I knew at one point of time, though I have yet to bump into such person. I've only met mutual friends, the sort that goes like, "Oh you were from X? you know Y? Ya.. he my fren..." And i went like oh.. Y is a nice chap eh.. and then we both went on with our work, oh so to say..

 

Just this time, this coy I joined, well.. it's like starting everything from scratch, and I was literally dying of boredom having to do what I have known long ago, it's almost like going back to kindergarden to learn your alphabets when you already know how to spell elephant and could jolly well spell it backwards if you want to! Anyways, it was fun, it gives me flashbacks of my younger school days.. And yes, I finally made friends.. like real friends. We became long lost brothers and sisters, almost instantly. And in that case, I've found 5 brothers, 2 sisters and still counting!! BUT, the issue is still with me.. I just find it so freaking hard to maintain and sustain a simple frienship with my own kind. I just dunno what's wrong. But i can just simply with a snap of a finger make lots of friends in the opposite side. Anyways, obviously darla's not pretty happy about it..

 

And typically as I could have been, I would have raised why he could welcome someone of the opposite sex to be the only outstanding one in his group, and say there's nothing more than just treating her like a sister. So, on a typical life of my younger days, I could have ended up in a very heaty, nasty argument. But today, I just well, that's fine. I just would put a stop to my making friends, then. Who cares anyway? Afterall, I still do have my bestest best friend who is the only real Female friend I can ever have. I dunno how my life would be without her existence, really..

 

Oh, and since then, it seems like all his friends' wives started accepting and attempt to just be my friend, and I think it's a good thing. Oh pls Allah, give me more female friends... And oh pls Allah... make my dream come true a little bit faster? if that is possible... I mean, I seriously can't wait.. but if you forbid, then I shall wait till you grant me my prayers. No questions asked. And oh, pls also grant my bestest bestfriend her wish too, because, I personally think she deserves it more than me. =)

 

All that said, I shall put my typing to rest. Till I type again for another roll of updates..

 

Wa'alaikum salam.

 

Lots of love,