Truth kills within

When truth was told, was it really what you wanted to hear? When truth was let in the open, did you once wished you hadnt told at all?

True, that honesty is the best policy to live by this life you had only once, but will this same truth bring you to where you want to be? Sometimes, this same truth murder away your dreams... Sometimes, it kills away your friends you love.. Sometimes, it just hurts another without having the intentions to.

Sometimes, this same truth, was interpreted wrongly and was read as some kind of a crude remark.

I have always be true to people around me, potraying my true colours.. I don't always get to meet their expectations... But at least I was being real. I am not exactly very proud of what I've been through, neither was I embarassed of what I have been through.

Sometimes, truth needs to be told, and sometimes never at all. I need a lifetime to story my lifeline. Some said, what's past is past.. I left it, to an agreement. Then again, would you really be out with someone with a dark complicated past, that would affect the near future.. It's not that easy to change for the better.. Past will haunt you, one way or another.

The past haunts you in many ways, in Karma.. directly or not. It hurts to see a replay going on around your surroundings... And to tell that you know what it feels like barely do make another party better, because one's experience is never the same with another. Sure, you can relate.. But to what extend?

If I had told you every truth I had in my life.... Will you still be there, giving me love and more? Or would you just stay around to make full use of my everything?

I am trying to paint the future with the most vibrant colours, while others try to smudge my fine lines, and dirty it with thumbprints and marks.. There's nothing much that I can do with a ruined piece of art.. But to simply kill the hatred by admiring others doing the work... It's inevitable, if you ask. If that art's too nice, you just cant keep your hands to yourself but to touch and see if it's really authentic.

I've been up late recently, unable to sleep, thinking of my past, my present and the future.. What will become of me? Who would come and be part of me? When will my heart beat again with someone's name, and will it last this time? Nothing is certain in life..

And so I stubbornly demand spontanity.. But how do I know if you're serious? You said we are just friends... Am I to hope for something that was clearly said was wasnt to be what it was I wanted it to be? I live for myself... And all I did was to make myself happier than I was before..

If doing that has your disapproval, then I would apologise.. Tell me the truth now or it shall never be told.. Do you or do you not, need me in your life?

Are you stressed out?

How stressed are you?

The pictures above are used to test the level of stress a person can handle.
One teacher said, "I felt like they were all moving...but slowly. Kind of like, they were breathing."

The slower the pictures move, the better your ability of handling stress. Alleged criminals that were tested see them spinning around madly; however, senior citizens and kids see them standing still.

FYI ... None of these images are animated - they are perfectly static!

I see them all move inconsistently (slow then fast then slow again) only when I move my eyes.. but still when i focus at one place.. I guess that means that I better manage stress when I focus on one thing.

Argh!!! My nose is darn itchy.. All red now.. I look like a clown now.. Darn.. Oh well..

An overdued Update

Ah.. Havent been in my greatest mood to update lately.. have been pushing it too much.. hee..

Apologies to all loyal readers.. Please enjoy this one long long entry..

A weekend up in KL was an okay-ish trip. Didn't see much except the beautiful sexy bikes and its riders.. Ah... Mouth-watering sight, indeed.

We took the train up from JB to KL. It took more that it should. First the train was late! It's scheduled to leave at 2330, but only arrived at 2345 and only left the station at 0015!!! The train was then delayed mid-way, yadayadayada.. Only arrived KL at 0930! We checked in at 1000, and the three of us left to watch the Qualifying round, while the other four stayed around and went to shop.

The moment we got off the taxi, rain just started pouring like the waterfall.. And the three of us, just walked through and take a second shower.. Haha.. We are all shivering.. And people are all staring at us because we are all drenched!

Then the Qualifying Round got delayed by an hour, subsequently another hour.. then after that it was cancelled due to some technical problem. A major disappointment for a first timer like me..

We all went to the Pit-Walk-a-bout. Met Makoto Tamada and Alex Hoffman. I've got the Japanese signature, and managed to snap some photos of both in my mobile. We went to see some stuff they have for sale... I aimed for the Kawa shirt and Capirossi's cap.. Indeed I ended up buying them.

We are all praying hard for a sunny tomorrow so we can watch the race and at least put this disappointment down with a smiling face. We got home, the apartment was empty.. The four of them still hadnt returned. I headed for the shower... changed and just slopped down on the couch and watched the TV with the news on. Two cameramen at Sepang was strike by lightning, but was safe and conscious. Then it says they'd take into consideration the time recorded during their free practice and so they say...

Then the four of them returned and the three of us headed out to fill our empty tummy and to fetch one of the boys' girlfriend. That night, we all were dead zombies walking down the streets.. Then we opted to smoke sheeshas.. We became dragons then, drunkened dragons.. Haa.. Just that we arent exactly drunk but walked like one as we are just way too tired.

Got home and I head for bed, but woke up hungry and got down to get some food, back to the apartment, ate, smoked, chatted.. then finally slept at 0200! Then woke up at 0700, woke the rest up and head for the showers. Ate breakfast, then off again to Sepang! One of them stayed back to do more shopping- crazy girl she was.

It was like a roller coaster ride for me. Was running and catching every corner. Getting a first hand watching them fall, trip and flipped! Ah.. it was the adreline rush that kept the heat and loud sound away from me, until the heat got too much of me, and my vision went black.. I had difficulties breathing and had to take a step back and away from the crowd. Two of them came by my side and accompanied me and sit where we can see the corner and remained there till the end.

A little upset that Capirossi didnt win, but was happy enough that Pedrossa made it third despite his injury. And the fact that Hayden didnt make it top three made my smile last. :)

Then we all sneaked in behind the scenes, and saw Marco Melandri, Alex Hoffman, Dani Pedrossa, Colin Edwards, Shinya Nakano, Makoto Tamada, Randy DePuniet and many more... I didnt managed to catch Valentino Rossi in person, but three of them managed to and even got him to sign his book.

Then we head to grab some food and back to the apartment, and ate a huge feast, then headed to bed.. And when morning came, it was time for me to get packing and on the bus home..

It was tiring.. But once in singapore, i had to rush home, get my stuff and head to school.. There was no break for me.. And the next day... It was time to work.. Ah..

This weekend when I thought I willl have enough sleep...I had to get my arse to the Goldsmith to fulfill my intention from last year... Then to some relative's place to say some prayers for good will as he just shifted then back again home...

And it's Sunday! I had to wake up and get my arse moving to the market with my parents..
Then went to Mama's house.. then home again... Here I am sleepy like a pig.. I am zzzzzZZZZZZzzzzzzzzZZZZZZ...

Rejection

Why do you always turn me down? Why can't you be out with me? Why do you feel that way? Why do you always say No when I want to meet you?

You said you aint got any money to be out with me, but have I ever raised the issue of who's having the money and who is to foot the bill? You said you have got face, and you ain't gonna lose it over a girl. Are you saying that I ain't worth meeting? I offered to help you, to pay for your means.. But you turned it down and say you're going out with another friend? Why is it possible to be out with other friends, but not me?

Who am I? What am I here for?

You made me feel a thousand emotions all at the same time. How do you do that? You wake me up feeling bad and good all at the same time, only to be left alone again for many days before you decide to ring me up again.. Even so, you did not ask how I was doing... You findled with my feelings and hope, asking if I want to meet only to say, No when I said Yes.. Wtf?

Who am I, really? I should have known better..

Still the same me, and always will be the same, if not stronger.

G'day!