A trip to the past for a bit

Assalammu'alaikum family, friends, readers and followers of this blog. I know and well aware that I've been missing for a long well. I decided to just post out my IVF Journey 2 earlier today.

Within the few hours I got a strong urge to just write again. I revisited my blog from 2005-2007 last week. I found myself smiling a whole lot from a whole lot of things that was going on during that year. The amount of relationships I have been in and out of. The kind of things I had expected only to be disappointed. Ha... Silly young me.

Anyway, I am struggling right now because my keyboard "Enter" key was just not working, so I had to use an on-screen keyboard to enter a new line and what not, but that ain't gonna stop me from typing out my feels today.

Anyway, I didn't exactly expect myself to remember what each of the acronyms I had given the boys that were in my life was more than 10 years later (as in today) but amazingly I could still remember at least 80% of them, and how I find myself so silly for being so determined to find the man to call mine today. Ha.. None of them were.. Most of them, if not all, were indeed rubbish.

Of the many, I am still in contact with three who remained in my friendlist. Out of the many that I had conveniently bin, I often wonders how MidNight is doing - he was very virtual like me. The last I "found" him was that he was married and had a baby.

Out of the three who remained in my friendlist, 2 of them were married. 1 is still running around or away from marriage, I don't know. And yes, I was the first to get married among the 3. Who would have guessed eh... Life is so different from what I had imagined 12-14 years ago.

Back then I had almost given up in finding the man of my life, the man who I can call my husband, the one who would love me regardless of all the flaws I had. Well, today I have been married for 6years 7months, had been living in a hdb flat of our own for 3years, had made major decisions with my husband over many things that changed us, broke out in argument and what not.

Over the years I have been with my husband, over and over again, I feel like I'd choose him again and again despite all his flaws. There are many good that would overcome the flaws. Yes, there are moments I imagined if I had chosen a different man. I get turned off by the many uncertainty that is in that imagination, I wake myself from the imagination only to frantically look for my husband. Many times I wake up to run into his arms. I feel safe in his arms - I feel very safe and I don't think I'd feel any safer in any other arms.

I don't want to continue reading my life back in 2008-2010, because I remember it was horrid. It was the year I was with this egocentric guy, who ended up getting engaged while still being with me, I had to make a scene to break up when I found out he was getting married in a month. It was funny recalling it now, but it was damn frustrating back then because he made a lot of scene for it. After that guy, it was this married guy who insisted to be with me. Not only was he married, he has a girlfriend on the side, and to still want me is horrible.

The only good thing in that period was that my husband found me then, and we were basically virtual friends then. He first saw me on Pasir Gudang Track, then search me down on some social media and we msn chat from time to time. We finally met frequently towards the end of 2009. And it was him that I resigned my phone to when that married man was spamming me with messages.

We met a lot to just go JB to pump petrol and grab breakfast, then somehow fate has it that we end up officializing our friendship into a relationship on 4th January 2010. We got engaged on 4th February 2011 and finally married on 22nd December 2012.

Our journey is not exactly a bed of roses, we had our days. I am glad we always make up and continue to hold on to this marriage, and I hope we continue to fight for this relationship to last a lifetime. May we always be given patience and wisdom to go through each of life tests and continue to be together.

Do pray for us, and may Allah supplicate the same to you.

Until next entry,
Jun

Wassalam