Compilations of my wardrobe fixes

Assalammu'alaikum family, friends, readers and followers of this blog.

I know this is very very overdue... It probably is supposed to be for last month or at least early this month, and February is almost over.. I am sooo sorry I got carried away with all the work in the world.. Soooo.... As promised, here comes my compilation of wardrobe fixes and damages. :)

First of all, my deepest apologies for the messy background/foreground. Secondly, I am sorry if the price (all in SGD unless stated otherwise) I quoted is wrong (it may have been on sale, or that it was a special offer period, or was just old). Thirdly, enjoy the pictures! Xoxo.

These are just done at random and for the fun of it. I hope it benefits. :)

This one is the Azzalea Abaya bought from Simply Modest. Match it up with an instant Syria bought in JB.
PS: Simply Modest currently have limited in stock pieces going at just SGD$60 each piece!

It was a Minion Party, so here I am trying to be one. Lola Skye Dungaree + Yellow long sleeve from Uniqlo and Navy Blue pants from Giordano.

Lola Skye Dungaree from Zalora : $52.40
Uniqlo Yellow Long Sleeve : $20ish (I can't remember)
Navy Blue Pants from Giordano : was on sale I got 2pants for $70

Zalora Basic Handkerchief Hem Long Sleeve Dress + work pants from G2000.

Zalora Basic Handkerchief Hem Long Sleeve Dress : $17.90
Work Pants : Bought in 2005 or earlier, I forgot the price!

Denim Long Top from Khatijah & Navy Blue Pants from Giordano

Denim Long Top : $23
Navy Blue Pants from Giordano : was on sale I got 2pants for $70

Feeling like a kid, a black long sleeve from Espirit, Black Pants from Billabong, and Lola Skye Dungarees

Lola Skye Dungaree from Zalora : $52.40

Espirit Long Sleeve : $5 (it was a rejected piece)

Black Pants from Billabong : $20 (was on sale)

A very casual day, long sleeve top (customized order) from VistaPrint and pants. Hijab is the addictive Plain Cotton Hoodie in Plum by De Divas Fashion.

Customised Long Sleeve Top from vistaprint.sg: Varies from $26 onwards
Plain Cotton Hoodie : To be quoted by De Divas Fashion

Hijab - Addictive Plain Cotton Hoodie in Lilac, a top from Ifa Harmifa & very wide skirt from a FB fren who have since deactivated her account.

Cotton Hoodie to be quoted by DDF
Top was bought many years ago, I can't remember the price
Wide Skirt was $54 but the seller has deactivated her a/c
(BUT I am trying to get someone to remake these wide skrts! So I will update you guys once it is a successful try!)

Long dress from Ifa Harmifa, Beige pants handed down to me, and Plain Cotton Hoodie in Chocolate.

Cotton Hoodie to be quoted by DDF

Top was bought many years ago, I can't remember the price

Pants was handed down by NLA if I remember it right - back in 2006/7

Zalora Basic Handkerchief Hem Long Sleeve Dress, Beige pants handed down to me, and the Plain Cotton Hoodie in Orchid liven up this outfit! 

Zalora Basic Handkerchief Hem Long Sleeve Dress : $17.90

Cotton hoodie to be quoted by DDF

Work Pants : Handed down by NLA back in 2006/7

Plain Cotton Hoodie in Chilli Red, Fishtail top from Al Huda Hub, and wide leg pants from Ifa Harmifa.

Cotton Hoodie to be quoted by DDF
Fishtail Top by Al Huda Hub : $20 (excl postage)
Wide Leg Pants from Ifa Harmifa : can't remember, bough many years ago.

Plain Cotton Hoodie in Chocolate, Shirt from Giordano, and wide leg pants from Ifa Harmifa.
 

Cotton Hoodie to be quoted by DDF

Giordano Top : $20ish (cant remember)

Wide Leg Pants from Ifa Harmifa : can't remember, bough many years ago.

Pink Shirt from Giordano, smart beige pants handed down to me, and Plain Cotton Hoodie in Orchid

Giordano Top : $20ish (cant remember)

Cotton hoodie to be quoted by DDF

Work Pants : Handed down by NLA back in 2006/7

Parrot green Jubah with Forest Green Hijab, and a fancy headband Crawlies!

Amatullah Jubah from Elle Nour : $62 (bought in 2012)
Cotton Hoodie: to be quoted by DDF
Fancy Headband Crawlies: $36.90 (bought in 2011)

Plain Cotton Hoodie in Tiffany, Muslimah Peplum top from Al Huda Hub, and wide leg pants from Ifa Harmifa.

Cotton Hoodie to be quoted by DDF

Muslimah Peplum Top by Al Huda Hub : $20 (excl postage)

Wide Leg Pants from Ifa Harmifa : can't remember, bough many years ago.

As you can see, most of my pants are handed down to me. I don't quite remember who exactly, but they are awesome pieces and had lasted many years! I don't always spend a bomb on my clothes, all of my whole outfit look is under $100ish. I usually target shops during sale/promotional period, or shop online and go hopping from one to another to get the best of deals - on my lucky day I get the same piece for $30 cheaper!

And I don't shop on a regular basis. I probably do mass shopping in one month and stop shopping till the following year or even longer. And IF I have the urge to shop, I made sure I do some giving away of my old still in good condition clothes away. If I cannot part with them, then there will be no shopping required. It is just my principle, and it comes with tough love. I literally bite my finger sometimes to just stop myself. This curbing to shop requires more than just discipline especially for the old me who shopped every month, and wont stop till she hit hundreds in each shop. I was very impulsive (I probably still am). I can shop for something just because it is unique, and then find no use to it after awhile.

Now, it is a different game ball. I go in a shop, see something nice, take a photo (if it is permissible), and exit the shop... Take a cooling measure, distract myself. If I still keep thinking about it, I will send the photo to the husband and ask him if I need it and should get it. If he says no, then I will delete it and forget about it. (I used to have much difficulty doing this, but it got into a habit after a long while)

Sometimes, I do that many many times, and only send the picture over to the husband after my 5th attempt or so. This is especially if it is to shop for a footwear. Probably because I have sensitive smelly feet... I am a slipper person, so a sandal or shoe usually end up chucked into the shoe cabinet only to be worn once a year or so.

My husband have very strong control over his finances, and probably only shop once a year. So he was the best person for me to lean on to help me convince myself out of buying something I don't really need. For the past 5 years, he has been doing a great job at that. Except for my online shopping - which is still done on impulse. I am working on it!

Bags, it has been a long long while since I bought a bag. Most of my everyday bags are my self-crocheted bags! All thanks to Allah SWT for granting this talent to me. I am just hard to please of late, no bag is perfect enough, no shoe practical enough, no clothes cheap and modest enough...

My dressing sense can be crazy most of the times. And most of my clothes lasted me for decades, thanks to my body who never seemed to grow too much.

I think I would do all my jubah outfit someday... A compilation of all my Jubahs perhaps..

So until then,
Wassalam,
Jun

Life as a Female Rider

Assalammu'alaikum family, friends, readers and followers of this blog.

I know and well aware that I've been blogging reviews after reviews.. So now, time for another personal update of my personal emotions, opinions and random rantings...

As the subject suggested, I am writing about something that is quite a common sight these days. It is something you probably hear a lot, or you are probably one yourself, or maybe you are the one who keep "advising" these group of female enthusiast.

If you had had read my old post, you'd know I am one myself. I had a dream when I signed up for that Class 2B license. If you haven't come to know, in Singapore, we need to undergo 3 difference licenses to be able to fully ride all the bikes you know. Here, a Class 2B license entitles you to ride all bikes 200cc or below.

And yes, the dream. I dreamt about being the first female rider to race in MotoGP. Apparently someone else had done that eons ago - according to my FIL, and I haven't had any push to google her yet. Still, back then it was that. I was driven to be one of the very few to hit the tracks and race like a pro. Pro my ass...

So I got my license after a long long time... And I felt like I've been through a whole lot through my many years of riding, and it may even sound absurdly crazy, but it is the truth - like all of my other posts.  I am not exactly proud, but ya, here's my story as a Female Rider.

Enrolling for Class 2B

2005 - Almost ending school in poly. I decided to take on the Class 2B, I enrolled in with a good close course mate. We attended almost all our classes & practicals together, but not 100% dependent on each other to attend them.

We had our ups and downs with our finances, and we got to the momento then run out of moolah to book the next one, then having found a job, and topping up a whole lot to the account only to find ourselves not having time to go for our practicals.

The final test

2008 - Crazy right? 3 long years! After many falls, torn jeans, tops and shoes... After many cussing and kicking the bike, after a whole load of disappointing myself. I finally made it! My friend got her victory quite close to me - I can't quite remember, but it was around the same time.

Getting the bike

I waited for over a month, after deep researching, I went crazy and against my inital plans. I was suppose to go low profile with probably a Phantom, instead.. I went in for the Aprilia RS125. Yup, that race bike, baby!

I joined the Aprilia Bike Forum groups, meet them up for a ride around... It was clearly fun, and I clearly fell in love with that machine.

So I got crazy and took a brand new RS125'05. Yes a 3 yr old brand new bike.

The crazy week

Shall I say, I began right from Day 1. I knocked a stationary lorry along PIE at the right most lane. and fell flat staring at the bright blue sky. Oh yes, I did. And I probably laid there for a good 3minutes before the guy in the car behind me came up and asked if I needed help.

So I got home with brand new bike with broken signal lights, and badly scratched fairings. Oh Congratulations!

Then I have a series of fallen bike and falling with the bike for a week straight!

I fell while going down the slope after a slope turning left, I fell while putting the bike off the side stand, the bike fell after I pumped petrol, I fell while turning right, I practically fell a whole lot!

Right until I lowered the suspension and had a whole lot of replacements of all the signal lights, clutch lever, gear lever and everything else external except the fairing. I did nothing and had no mercy to its ugly scratches that constantly remind me of my crazy 1st week of owning that machine.

And soon after, another accident - i slide across three lanes. And my bike still run with just me down with some normal bruises. That was the final call before I finally submit to the shop to lower the suspension like FINALLY! It is really after that accident that I pretty much ride like how a rider should ride - that is without falling!

The crazy running in month

Plenty of night rides, plenty of trips to JB, plenty of trips to nowhere. And finally, the last running in was well spent as I rode up to Sepang along with 5 other brothers. And yes, on the way back, we had a little collision - me and another brother.

The next day or a few days later, I did a crazy thing to go JB, and jammed my piston as I ran out of 2T. Awesome!

Spend a bomb on that as my block was also scratched! Damn....

Track Day

Yes, still under probation, still getting to know my machine, without proper attire, I tagged along brothers to go Pasir Gudang Track and took a few laps. Fun! Of course, I was probably the only one still on probation - meaning with less than 1 yr of riding experience). I was wearing just my armoured jacket, jeans, knee guards (yes the ones you wear to roller blade), riding boots and a full face.

I had so much fun, and keep returning to more! Until the rules got more strict and it was mandatory for a full proper racing suits.

See the pics in this post here.

*And I found love at hopeless places - yes it was here that the husband found me*

One of the boys

Having been with a group of only boys and no girls (except for their gfs/fiances), I became one of the boys. The way I speak when I am with them, the way I behave when I am with them. Soon I shaved a mohawk and went beyond crazy. I was still straight though!

I was approached and asked many times if I was diverting my sexual desires. So I started donning skirts with my mohawk on my non-riding days. Damn it was awkward for awhile, but I loved my mohawk to give it up so soon.

As a Female Rider

So enough of what and how long it took me, now, as a Female Rider, do note that we have our egos as female rider. You don't simply tell us to drive because we are ladies and that it is safer for us. We have some disgust over crazy female drivers* - nothing less than how much you men hate them!

*Not all female drivers are crazy though - some are awesome and bring shame to the male drivers.*

You don't simply tell us to be your pillion because you think we don't ride as awesome - I'd dare you to track day if any guy do that to me!

And - you don't tell me I cannot pillion anyone because it is unsafe. It just needs education and a quick briefing! I have pillioned numerous people including my dad, my nieces, my sisters, and many friends - even brothers!

However, I would encourage all new riders to give yourself at least 6months before you pillion someone. Know your machine before you introduce it to your pillion!

Lastly, don't tell me I shouldnt be wearing skirts while riding.

I've worn heels, slippers, dresses, shorts and singlet riding. As much as it is safer with armoured jacket, jeans and boots... It is Singapore. It is hot, and I, like many others, succumb to heat on many days. Plus, you can't be real to tell me to bring my heels, skirt and office wear in another bag while I wear proper attire riding then get to work and change, and then change before going to work.. Too much work, don't you think?

There are of course days where I wear like how a rider should. And then bump into people who thinks we are overdressed like as if we are going for a track race. What do you want, really?

And oh the perks? There will always be someone who'd help you if you fall. Oh wells.

And a lot lot of the biker community would recognize you and know you. Well most people know me for 2 things - 1, I ride an Aprilia. 2, I had a mohawk. Too much to not notice. :p

The not so wonderful perks? People in the taxi go waving and screaming at you for having a "nice great bike there!" And you get a big shock, like it is a dream and you have got no idea what just happened.

Plus if you are just playing with your friends or partner, chasing a bike and he followed behind you in his Suzuki K5, and then a Hayabusa brother tried to save you and ask if you're okay and if the guy behind me is chasing me. LOL..

I had a good laugh when my then fiance said it madly that I was crazy and that Hayabusa guy was giving him a glare for picking up on a girl. Hahahahahaha.. Those good crazy times, indeed...

Naming the bike

Oh yes, I initially thought it is crazy, but I named my bike like 99% of all the bike owners, just that my bike don't hold any race to her name. She was named after my nickname in the bike forum. And yes, it is a myth that bike and bike owners need to be of opposite gender.

Girls don't modify their bikes

Oh another myth! And please.. I DIYed what ever servicing that I learned and can do on my own. I get grease all over my hands, feet and face.

I may not care very well about what my fairing says, but I've tried mine with a bigger carb. I have hit a good 180km/hr speed on NSH. I've rode with no hands, hit corners to a good lean, I ride that bike like any men would. Except I dont care too much about my fairing - I never got around doing a paint job, and whatever it actually needs.

Thing is..

I am no professional, but within this short period of time with just this Aprilia had taught me many things that some people who had rode bigger bikes don't get to learn first hand.

If you never fell off your bike before, then you are not quite a rider yet. As much as I dread the truth, it is the just so true. It is when you learn how to break your fall and learn how to protect yourself (although the tendency as a rider would be to protect the bike more than anything else), that you're getting there.

It is this lesson of breaking the fall that I managed to escape with just a broken (or twisted) thumb/wrist when I fell off my scooter. And yes.. I never broke any bones riding the Italian beast, but I broke one riding a slow moving scooter. See, slow doesn't mean safe.

Here's some eerie photos that I can share of the accident:

And mind you, this accident took place just 6 months before my wedding! Also to note, I did not hit any other vehicle. I was just brushing against the wind and tar. No idea how the whole thing happen. On top of the broken/twisted thumb/wrist. I also had bruises of my face, and big deep abrassion on my legs. And guess what, the hospital don't wish to admit me in. I was made to go home with just one day hospitalization leave, and then I approached the counter and said it is crazy to just be given one day rest with all these injuries, then she gave me a 4 days medical leave, afterall my appointment with a specialist is 4 days from that fateful day.

As a female rider, people often assume we know nothing about the bike and is just riding to get from point A to point B. Well, people, we women, can know everything and anything about our bike just like how we can easily find out about some men who goes cheating behind our backs.

I have been to numerous shops who pretty much only have nasty negative comments about the Aprilia, well, yeah it is expensive, but you know how to take care of it, know how to DIY the basics, and know where to get products, then you won't be needing to push it to the shop and get billed $100+ for a simple thing every month.

Example, Shop A quoted me some $900 for a piston, addnt $5 for screws and a few more add ons to something I dunno. Ask around, and go to Shop B, the piston comes with everything it needs in a box for just $300. BOTH original, same brand, nothing less of each other. So, don't be an idiot, there are better alternatives elsewhere, you just gotta ask.. or bring an old bird along, and get him a good coffee after you are done, but lunch/dinner would definitely be better.

Back in my forum days, there is always enthusiast who are keen and willing to teach newbies how to DIY, but what did these newbies do? Come empty handed, and just want to watch.

What will you learn by just watching, really? Too much to bring own cloth, own tools? Hmm. I understand, you'd break a finger for every grease that got swiped, right? *rolls eyes*

Petrol consumption - My best was hitting over 300km before I hit the reserve. ;) The worst was probably in the beginning where I'd have to go reserve at 240~260km mileage. It was awesome. that is a good 23-25km/L

My scooter on the other hand squeeze me dry drinking 10-13km/L. I had to pump petrol every day or every other day at the very least. With the Aprilia I go for at least 2days without the need to pump, even when I go out every night.

And you know what? I am so glad COE was under $1K back then, it was probably $500ish. And petrol was $1.5-1.8/L.. If I were to have just gotten my license now, I'd cry because it is beyond crazy to get any brand new bike with a COE of just $200 short of $6k. $6 blardy thousand, for just a piece of paper, not even a bike yet. Not even insurance or road tax yet.

The only hope at this moment are second hand vehicles.. with hope that the previous owner had taken very good care of it to last another few years, with endless high hopes for COE to dip down so we can get a brand new one...

I haven't rode for a long time.. And I keep reminding my husband that I would continue with my dream when we have 5 kids.. And my brothers keep telling me it has been too long and that I should pursue before the kids come along.

And now, I dunno... I don't quite know if I should be taking my Class 3 (Car) along with my 2A (which will entitle me to ride motorcyles between 201-400cc)..

Still feeling a little much, since I am now a hijabi.. It does kindda feel awkward to ride all over again..

That is my story, what about yours? Are you a fellow lady rider? Or do you know any that is just as "outstanding" as the old me?

Till I blog again,
Wassalam,
Jun

Al-Huda Hub

Assalammu'alaikum family, friends, readers and followers of this blog.

Yeay! Another review for another local business!

Al-Huda Hub - do like her FB Page!

Being a fellow jubah and modest clothing seller myself, it took me quite awhile to register that I am getting a jubah from someone else. For once, my supplier was charging me a little higher than this seller, so I was lured to shop. Afterall, doing business in Islam forbids the discouragement from engaging other business outlets, we are encouraged to promote other businesses if it is within our capacity, if that other business have what we don't, and to leave it to the customers to choose with whom they wish to shop with. It actually tests and shows that we have faith in our own rezeki.

And so.. how did I find this Al-Huda Hub? By curiousity really. I saw someone don this jubah which my supplier supplies, so I asked her where she get hers. Yup, you guessed it right, she directed me to Al-Huda Hub, and I started browsing like mad. I could possibly guarantee that her price was the lowest, and very reasonable. It is clear that she is following the Islamic way to do business, with minimal profits - in fact I find her business to be doing a lot of dakwah in a very subtle way.

So, I bought two tops with much interest to get the La'Cherie Jubah. I decided to wait on the Jubah, and get the tops first. The seller wasn't angry at my indecisiveness, or the fact that I decide to drop the jubah with no real guarantee that I will return to buy them.

I was rather surprised that I bought two very beautiful syariah compliant tops for just $20 each, yes! Just $20! Out there, if you look at some dresses... Some not very syariah compliant, much less to say nurse friendly, are priced at some $25 or higher a piece, here I got myself a top for just $20. And so I thought, there must be something I don't quite like about it.

Wait I shall, for the parcel to arrive, and when they did....

How can anyone not love this design!

That's me wearing the blue Muslimah Peplum

And that's me wearing the black Fishtail Cut 

Aren't they gorgeous? And to just add $3 for mailing and receiving them 2 days after is amazing. These tops has weight to them but at the same time, it felt light wearing them. I especially liked the fishtail, but not quite a fan of gathered sleeve. But I love them nonetheless because it is just so complete.

It doesn't give away the shape of my body, is not transparent/translucent at any part of it. It is long bodies, covers me well - especially the Peplum, for a 1.57m short person I am, it actually covers till my calves, so i sometimes wear it as night wear. It is just THAT comfortable!

So, the following week, having had awesome experience with Al Huda Hub, I returned for more.

I was in Melaka when I decided to shop with her. As with most online businesses, the policy is such that payment needs to be made within 24-48hrs so other buyers who could pay earlier can have them first and to avoid unnecessary hogging and "chope" practices that prevents other serious buyers from buying and getting them first. It is no different with Al-Huda Hub. Payment was demanded, so I told her I was in Melaka, and earliest I could possibly pay is when I return.

She understood my position and arranged for a special arrangement for me. I find that soo sweet! She don't have to, and she could just tell me to get back to her once I am able to do the transfer, but she didnt. And so I told her I would be back Sunday or Monday, and she asked if I'd like to opt for a courier at a nominal $5 fee, and of course I agreed!!

She even arranged for a COD for me. That trust, is beyond words! I haven't met her, nor do I have any idea how she looked like, but this gesture made me love her, and I hope she will be bestowed with great health, good heart and always guided with imaan.

It has been almost 2 weeks since I received the items, I've worn the red Muslimah Peplum, sadly,with my busy schedule, I haven't had time to snap shot myself in it.

I've tried both the Le'Cherie Jubah I had ordered, and they both needed alterations to their lengths, so I'd do that this weekend.

While I get myself some time to snap shot myself in these three new outfits I get from Al-Huda Hub, how about you gorgeous ladies visit her page and do some online shopping?

The jubahs are beautiful for Syawal! And the tops are miraculously very comfortable - I took out the shoulder sponge (fyi) because I prefer without. I tell you there are truly amazing! Nursing friendly, just lift up, and cover, very very convenient!

I will add the pictures here and re-share it once I do!! Until then, stay tune!!! I have more to share, but very little time, so keep the emails coming with the topics you want me to share, ya?

Much love,
Wassalam,
Jun

A little Review for Loveminsg

Assalammu'alaikum family, friends, readers and followers of this blog.

Yup, yet another review for another local start-up - Loveminsg.

As the name suggested, I guess it is created out of love & passion, and indeed I fell in love with their creations which was gifted to me for my very very belated birthday celebration on 29th Jan.

Well, I was suppose to do this next week, but considering we will be busy this whole weekend, we might take a few days to rest after, and this might get lost somewhere.

Sooooo.....Let's get carried away with some pictures..

Hey! That's me and the owner's son! 

Yup, that's the whole clan of the Wives. 

We can't tell whose birthday it was, but the boy was humming the birthday song and even blew the candle - it must be his then! Hehehe

Yup the two November babies celebrated in January because of all the weddings and holidays that happened between November - December. But hey, all is forgotten when we got our presents, yes?

These are what I brought home from that night.

These are the ones from Loveminsg!

Their Swarvoski Crystal Hijab Pin is a beauty!

And their hijab pin cushion cupcake is oh so pretty, isn't it!!! 

 I've used the cushion pin since the day I got it, almost right away because my pins have been all over the place. Every morning it has been a struggle to find that color pin I wanted to wear. And now, since this cushion pin arrived, each morning has been a breeze. I know, I rarely use pins, but when I do...

I become pretty amazing! HAHA! See how the butterfly settles down so nicely?

And the red one too! I wore this one to Melaka and almost lost it!

I am the kind of person who is wary of pins especially the decorated ones, because for some reason most of the prettiest kind tend to stick out like an antenna from my head searching for some signal of some kind. So I was pretty skeptical at first.

When I wore it, and it settles like that, I knew I am in love! The pin is sharp, so I find no need to struggle poking it through a few layers (I like to fold my hijab, so it can get pretty thick). It kept my folds neat and secure (AWESOME!). And if I forgot I am wearing it and tried to remove the hijab, it gives quite a strong nudge (Oooppsss!) but, it didn't tear my hijab, and neither did the pin get bent. So it is quite a pretty sturdy thing this small pin!

What is more awesome is that at lovemin, all these handmade beauties are affordable!

Lovemin at their very first public event!

To browse more of the lovely products, do browse here or catch them here!

Till the next entry,
Wassalam
Jun

What I do when I am angry

Assalammu'alaikum family, friends, readers and followers of this blog.

I guess a lot of my old friends would know how temperamental I can get back then, and many were just shocked when they see me not getting bothered with what used to unleash the beast in me.

For me, it came with age, and plenty of tough love and rough lessons to learn by. I guess many woman would be like that, at least I hope it would be.

I would say I am still short tempered, but some said I am temper-less these days. Truth be told, I tend to shut down a lot so I would shut up and not feel anything.

I was raised to tell the truth, although I have a phase in my life in which I lied a lot. I phased it out to tell the truth in the end every time. The truth hurts, we all know that.

I mean imagine Chef Gordon Ramsay in Hell Kitchen. Yeah, like that. He isn't exactly hurting people purposely. It is the truth, something is wrong, and it needs to be corrected. And I used to be worst. I feel like everything should be done my way. Everyone should consider me. I was that selfish monster who throws tantrums when it goes a different direction.

Besides....

Yeah. I sort of have an allergy to fake people and I just have to tell these people off, or just tell the world about how fake they were! I don't take in bullshit.

Back in secondary school, I can throw everything out of my bag, and an hour later, I'd cuss myself for being so dumb as to throw my own stuff for being angry at I don't know who and for I don't know what reason.

Yup, the thing about being short tempered is such. We get angry, we throw a fuss, and then, that's it.

A big difference to being HOT tempered. So, know the difference alright.

I can be mad at you for one thing, and if you are sincere at apologizing, i'd forget that and be back to normal and I wont feel awkward about it, nor would I have time to remember and pull out that problem from xx years ago up for no reason at all.

Chances are, I've forgotten you made me mad or why I got mad in the first place.

I used to be really brutally honest and straight forward. I'd tell you I hate your nose, or that your socks are attracting attention more than that model's boobs. I'd tell you I like you because you are cute. I'd tell you straight in your face, I don't remember you at all.

And sure, I got into a whole lot of trouble for being honest. So I learnt as I grow up.

As far as I can go, I'd tell you the one and only thing I learnt thus far. I learnt to shut down so I'd shut up and not react at all.

Yup. sometimes, stupid becomes beyond stupid and sometimes there are just too many of them getting to you all at once, that it is just necessary to shut down completely. You know, like a PC, reboot, restart and go fresh new, all over again.

But it is a good thing that I get to expressed my temper when I was younger, because those who had seen me unleash the beast inside me kept their distance. And when they say something stupid and I twitch, they'd freeze.

And then of course they are people who cannot believe I had a beast inside of me waiting to be unleashed and keep hitting and sitting on my head. Little did they know that my beast is just behind them waiting to eat them whole, just that now.. my beast prefers to smile because there is something bigger that is worth waiting and watching.

They will one day face another person who was like me a decade ago. They will meet this ugly beast one day, who would dig their eyeballs out and leave them dangling. They would. Just a matter of time.

Meanwhile, just be glad that most of these beasts mellow down with age, they all learn that no one can cure stupid. And they will all learn to shut down. Just like me.

Sometimes, honesty isn't very nice. Just that people know who to look up to for a really honest opinion when they really need one. There's always someone!

I don't always like putting on pretty frosting of sugar on top of my cupcake. I'd take it without, and the same goes for my life. I never find the need to sugarcoat my words.

Difference is, I shut up or at least try to shut up physically (at the very least) when I have nothing nice to say. I'd smile and force a "no comments" or "alhamdulillah". I'd try my best to eliminate myself from the conversation and run away before I tell them what's in my mind. ;)

The only people who gets to hear my brutally honest opinions are my family, my bff, and the people in my very fragile trust circle.

As much as I wished it is just the age... I have to admit that surrounding myself with calmer people helped me as well. The people who are real enough to acknowledge my frustrations and cool enough to wait till I am calm enough to hear the brighter side to it. I cannot accept people who do not acknowledge my feelings of frustrations - almost like they just expect me to not feel at all. They are not my kind of friends, they irritate the hell out of my sane mind, really. I mean ya, it is wonderful to always to "positive" and always looking at the "brighter" side. but hey! You gotta express your frustrations too sometimes, and stop killing it before you fully understood the emotions and reasons behind it. It is NEVER good to numb your emotions - at least NOT for ME.

I am someone who prefer people who keep it real and express their emotions. Positive people don't need to always smile and numb their frustrations and depressions. REAL positive people are those who acknowledge their emotions, allow time to understand these "negative" emotions, and then control them. There is no point killing your emotions all the time, I'd say it might just break you one day when everyone thinks it is okay to hurt you.

As much as I have mellowed down to smile at stupid, I still have my days where I'd scream at your face for being too much of stupid.

So with all that said, what do I do when I am angry?

1) Say things I don't mean

Who doesn't? So angry, I couldn't think so I say things I don't mean. Things like "useless crap", "stupid thing", etc

2) Scrub and Clean

Yup, when I get too angry and couldn't say a word, I get cleaning! I start spraying Dettol all over, and scrub those floors and walls away. I turn over everything and clean away. I change the bedsheets even if I had just changed it 3 days ago, I take out all my clothes so I can tidy and organize them up all over again.

And this method, believe it or not, is the best antidote for my anger. All the cleaning exhaust me and usually mid way through the cleaning, I would forget I was angry and continued cleaning. And when I am all done, I lie on my bed and thinks I am amazing to do all that cleaning in a day... :)

3) Destroy something

Yup, I used to throw and really damage something. These days, I'd take some scrap paper and just tear it to pieces like it is some upsetting love letter or some sort.

4) Cry a river

Yup, sometimes, when you are too drained, and everything is so hard on you and you are too mad to do anything else, you cry. And then scold yourself for crying over some stupid issue. Yup, that's me.

5) Text a trusted person

I don't necessarily text about what happened. My trusted person don't need to know what made me angry, she just needs to know I am angry, and then my trusted person would either tell me it is okay, or she'd find something to humor me. That is also why I sometimes get more mad when the person I am angry with jump and assume I am complaining to someone when I grab my phone. Well, I am angry, I need to divert my anger as I expressed them. What makes you think I'd tell people about you when I care and love you so much? Well unless you are just some stranger and you mean nothing to me, then I'd gladly tell my friend about it.

6) Shut myself

When all fails, I shut myself where I can be alone. I used to lock myself in my room with the radios blasting. Now, it is impossible, so I sometimes, shut myself in the toilet. Often ended up picking up the spray bottle of Dettol and start cleaning...

7) Browse happy pictures

Yup.. cliche, but it usually works. I browse happy pictures, and wondered if it is worth getting so angry..

Express that anger

Yup, even after doing all that, that anger needs to be expressed. It need to be handled maturely. It need to be said, and sent across to the other person. The other person need to acknowledge why she/he is angry. Both senders and receivers need to acknowledge each others' reason for being angry.

When we are calmer, after registering the whys.. the hows will surface to come to a peaceful solution. On extreme cases a third neutral person is required to see the bigger why and how.

I have come very far, to realise and list all these openly. I am not perfect, I still have angry issues inside me, I sometimes still hold on to the reasons. I sometimes still hurt myself...

I guess age is just something constant, the unnecessary hurting would lessen with time.. however, it is extremely dangerous for someone to suddenly lose interest in getting angry and moved on very quickly to be happy again. I guess anger takes a lot of energy, and having that energy to express it means you are something to that person. And you would mean nothing when everyone begin to just not care, and walk away from you.

You know how a million people say "Do what you want, I don't care", and yet still haunt to nag at you or hang around to scold you when you make a mistake? Well, it shows they still care. Recognize these people, and give them a hug.

With that said, I am sorry. I am sorry to all those people who had endlessly worry about me, for me and still is worrying right now on what I do next. I am sorry for troubling you, with all my impulsive decisions and actions. I am sorry for getting angry when I should be thankful.

I am far from perfect, but all of you had love me nothing less that I deserve. I will be forever grateful for just that. Thank  you.

Wassalam,
Jun