Happy but Confused...

Yes, once more... Just that, I'm happy with that little confusion.

The sort that makes me thinks if things would be different if I chose another path without regrets. I mean, I'm not regretting the path I've chosen, just that I had a conversation with WV. Yes, the one who knows my uncle. Well... It's just been so long since I strike a conversation with him, I mean like a real conversation. He made me realise that sometimes, things just can't be forced, even if you know your time is running out. Sometimes, the happiest moment is one without any commitments, guilt or obligation. When you do just what you feel, say what comes to mind without worry of hurt or any emotion for that matter, that's when you feel most happy and free. And sad to say, that time happens only when he's around and in my life... And sadly too, it ends when he left.

I mean who in the world would have the same thoughts as him? The kind that only say yes to say no, the kind that really follow the saying, "go with the flow". Feels like it, do it. Else forget it. Who would in any way, would refuse to see the girlfriend for weeks and weeks, and yet not have an argument over that? Who would in any way, would she say no to her boyfriend and not feel obligated to make up for it or at least the guilt for saying no?

With this, I'm not saying I'm not happy with KI or mean anything close to that. I'm happy with him, just that I wonder what it would be like if I had endured and stayed single till WV comes back to life. Anyways, I'm still happy to know that WV is still somewhere around at the back of my head safe and sound, ready to give me his ears if I need them, ready to give his opinions if I ever should hear them, and to know that we hold no grudges against each other in any way.

KI is about half of what WV is. But I'm still very much contented to be with KI. I needed someone by my side. I guess I was a little desperate from companionship. And I needed something more that just a boyfriend. I needed something more serious. Not that KI can give me that, but he gave some sort of security. But at least he's always there, and that I can see him anytime I want. With WV is was almost impossible to meet him when I want to, and when he did asked me out, he'd back out soon after.

With WV, I never really worried about anything. Although I know it's more likely for him to go stray than it is for KI, it never crossed my mind. Maybe because with WV, there were no promises made, nor was there any sort of ownership that we exchanged, more to that, we never owed anything to each other. With WV, it was possible for me to say, Hey he got great bods, and he'll go like, oh yeah... And for him to go like Hey check out her boobies... and I'll go like wow.. hell ya.. she got great assets... Everything was in the open and we never judged each other. I guess that's why I felt free and happier with WV. And when I talk to WV, I felt like I can tell him anything and everything and not feel worried, scared, guilty, or anything.

It is not my intention to compare. It's just that oh well, I don't know. Now, I can even call WV and talk about KI or my family, or work and get him to say, "Hello, wake up la... Life is never fair, so accept what you've got" And physically felt two slaps across my face and swallow the painful fact without feeling like he's a jerk. With him, the phrase "Honesty is the best policy" really works.

No guilt, no frills, no worries.