Another day came, another day gone....

It's one of those days when you don't feel like it's a good day and suddenly your hair just falls right where it needs to, and pictures turned out perfect just the way it is without trying any harder, and time seemed to be just merciless by ticking away at a faster speed....

Hmm... I havent been feeling too good lately... Not lively, not dead either..

Strange but I kindda oh well.. nevermind, you won't be any much more interested about it....

It has been almost a year without my passport now... Could the remaining year just go in a flash? I hate to wait...

I decided not to take the week off in October, I planned to take some leaves in between for much more importants things like the project presentation, the house evaluation, and the mass gathering if it happens, and last and most important, the christmas week break!

I couldnt recall what I wanted to write.. so this is it.. Good nyte!

Past Memory...

Memories, they will never fail to set you thinking eh?

Ah... A lot has happened since my last update...

Let's see, there's a 3rd movie date, a mini NP reunion, a duo day out - suppose to be a trio day out... What else... Oh... KI's 2nd apology- like finally!

Okay.. we watched Die Hard 4.0, the mini NP reunion is really mini, only 5 of us there, a duo day out with dearest sis, Lyna. Cha was grounded for no apparent reason so that's why it ended up with just the two of us...

And okay.. why I just write a sentence each for the respective 'happening'? Well, because I kindda find that KI's 2nd apology of the year more happening at this moment...

He's not the kind of person who find it easy to say the hardest 5 letter word in the dictionary, so it was huge. I was in disbelief when I first read it, then I thought ah, might as well just forgive him... =) I would probably still forgive him even if he shrug it off and go on as if nothing happened.

What happened? Well nothing huge, really.. He just got angry because I said something that he don't wish to hear, really... He just texted me out the blue to meet up, and I just told him it's raining and I just got home, then it ended up with him accusing me of creating excuses, and subsequently the normal, ah, I don't want to hear your excuses and I ended up just saying whatever you say, you always do this and that anything else is just up to him. And after awhile I just text him which says, " Sometimes I really wonder what's on your mind, Anyway Gd Nyte" and just simply went to bed. I would be lying if I said I didnt think anything much about it. Because I really mean it when I say I sometimes do wonder what's on his mind to end up saying such things to me and just a tiny bit hurt me just like that....

I hardened my heart and refused to text him first, as that's what I always end up doing. And I made it, but he texted me at an earlier time with "Gd morning dear, I'm really sorry bout yesterday, Still mad at me?"

Oh how can I not let it go...? There're just one too many soft spots here in me... And sometimes I just get frustrated with myself for that. I mean people can keep on hurting me and I'll just sit and let it go and keep forgiving others but myself.. And so I ended up replying with "It's okay, I'm never mad at you, Btw what are you doing?" Just what is wrong with me?!?

Maybe KI had talked to someone about it and maybe he just simply realise what crap he has done to a gem he had. Or maybe he just realise that my patience has a limit and I might just one day leave him, and maybe he realise that he's the one who's gonna lose at the end if that happens... Then again, maybe I'm just being optimistic....

I shall just enjoy it whilst it last.. And take in as much as I can absorb... And love for as long as love last, and to indulge for as long as it exist.... And not to forget when it's gone... Like always...

Can I just do this once... I havent done it for a long time... Can I just say I love him? Once? Oh well, I just did.. Geesh.. How many time must I fall in love with the same person? Oh I hate this feeling.. It's making me unsure with every assurance that I am getting!

You don't understand? Well neither do I, honestly.... It's like a phrase I said to my niece last Sunday, it's crap but carry on if you really are dead bored and still want to go on reading my crap.. It goes like this, "You need to understand what I don't understand and I'll understand what you don't understand, Understand?"

Yeah.. Whatever.. Heard it, but hey you're the one who's still reading, I never did force you to read my crap.. =)

Good night, good fellas!

Will I be strong enough?

Tough question really... I sometimes am so unsure of how strong I am... I kindda asked KI when he's gonna settle down... He simply put a 10 yr mark... My heart went to have a talk with my mind really... Will I be able to wait that long?

Then again, maybe he is just right.. Why promise when one can't keep it? The real question is, will he ever propose? I don't know.. Really, I don't.

This is one of those relationships that I foresee being stuck with him but not get married sort... Oh well.. enough about relationships now...

You know, I've been having those weird dreams again lately.. Dreams of death... Not mine, unfortunately, but my parents'. It's scaring me...

Then again, its just a dream right? But why do I keep having these dreams? Is it some kind of a warning sign that something bad is going to happen to me? Or is it just a mind game trying to disrupt what I am doing?

I even dreamt of receiving proposals... The dream about KI was just too good to be true, so maybe that's not gonna happen.. The ones on death is just way to sad to talk about.. The dream of me being successful overseas, that might be true one day...

I had a meaningful chat with SS yesterday night... About how I am going to tell CP about my past that would disrupt my travelling... I was enlightened by his advice, as usual...

I ought to sleep... But as usual... I couldnt get my eyes and mind to sleep... Sigh..

2nd Movie Date

Yes... Transformers alas!! It's a definite must watch!! I would say Transformers is the best thing that happened in a movie ever! The effects... was marvellous, was so wow...

Now, I want a transformers too... Bumble Bee is cute, Optimus Prime is such a leader... All robots, ready and roll out! Haha.. Did I get that right? Did I? Haha.. doesnt matter la.. I know KI enjoyed that movie after three unsuccessful weeks of watching his favorite movie...

You know what? KI is much sweeter lately.. He's just transforming into this man that I want, then again, if he can change like that, I'm afraid I have to prepare myself for the worst - what if he goes back to the person I was once hurt by? Then again, I should enjoy it whilst it still last...

I have just fallen in love with him again... True.. I did.. all over again... I loved the way we part... Part with a kiss... he rarely do what he did today... And it feels so nice... And in one of his friends presence.. Makes such a difference.. Wei.. dun get the wrong idea la.. it's just a kiss on the cheek la... Get that dirt out of your mind, will you?

Anyway, it was nice today, because he got some cash with him and I just felt like the girl today... Oh... How I missed him already... Weird weird weird feeling...

Oh, my shopping list... 1) Samsung YP-U3 1gb mp3 2) Nokia 5200 first hand 3) short crop from underground products 4) Elseve shampoo and conditioner 5) handphone pouch 6) Movie Passes (KI made me promise that all the passes is to be used by us and us only. Meaning 5 movies together...) I got one ticket voucher if anyone's interested..

That's today... Next on my shopping list 1) white dress/pants/top for Sandrine's wedding 2) Laptop skin 3) triumph lingerie 4) another pair of specky 5) contact lenses 6) shoes/slipper

The list never ends really...

Next to pay 1) laptop installments 2) top up bbdc a/c 3) top up ez link phase 2 4) deposit 200 into my citibank a/c

Next on must watch in cinema movies 1) Rush Hour 3 2) Evan Almighty 3) The Simpsons?

To be updated as time goes by... definitely....

Thats about it i think... I deserve to sleep really... Good night good fellas...

Friday the 13th

Ah… A movie date alas!

Intended to watch Transformers, it has been planned eons ago, and it hasn’t happen, and it wasn’t going to happen today being the auspicious date.

So KI and I ended up watching Harry Potter, it’s amazing how he have never missed a single series and I ended watching all of its odd numbered series.. I was a bit lost but not entirely… It was indeed a good plot with excellent effects... I liked it! Magical and intriguing story, I must say! Watching Harry Potter always managed to make me want to be some kind of a magical witch.

Can’t deny that I was eyeing Daniel Radcliffe most of the time, he has became so masculine and so yummy to taste… Oooo… his eyes, his lips… his chest… ah… I can almost feel him close by…

And Ron, he reminds me of MA… well a little bit... because he cares too much sometimes, but really meant no harm, just too concerned. Not to mention, a little annoying but sorely missed when gone. Anyway, KI might fit in Potter’s place, because he sometimes is just too full about himself, about doing things by himself, about his feelings, about him… But he has somewhat tone down a little now… Toleratable – Don’t know if that word exists, I guess not.. But I suppose you guys know what I meant to say.

Me? Hmmm… I don’t know… Can’t find myself in the story…. Maybe you guys can help me find someone that may have a tiny bit resemblance to my character… Do comment…

Anyway, KI mentioned a wedding to attend on the 21st, after so much planning and organizing my dates, now I have re-plan and re-organize all my dates all over again… Gee… Well, let’s see what happens tomorrow… then I will decide…

Transformers is definitely in my must watch in cinema list. I might get the package movie passes, if my salary gets in tonight, or at least tomorrow noon… Let’s just keep the fingers crossing… Oh, typing away about salary…. I got another pay rise and I have reached the minimum $2K pay cheque already!!! Next bench mark would be my first $5K pay cheque.. Am aiming to get it in lets say 5years? I don’t want to get too high an expectation…

Then again the good comes with the bad, higher pay, higher income tax… And it doesn’t help being me who just have a little too many debts within her breathing space.. I just received a shocking bill of $1045 all because I overlooked my internet bill, did not respond and they prematurely terminate my contract so I had to pay for every single month that I have had left plus a nominal termination fee… A pleasant surprise huh….

I just hope that’s all the surprises that are due to me this month; I wouldn’t be able to breathe if there’s more.

Oh my, I’m in such a mood to just type and type away… I feel so good… Maybe because I met KI and he being nice probably made my mood swing fly high today… He did made me a little furious for being late, but he quickly made up for it, like a flash as always..

Oh, I’m going to try and have a garage sale of my own in collaboration to clear up the dust in my messy and over-crowded population in my wardrobe… Let’s see if I can even make it half way through tomorrow… I can’t say much, except let’s just wait and see… (actually equates to my laziness to really go into it and clear it all)

Gosh, I still have tones to talk about… But I just couldn’t remember what I had to tell now… Let’s just put in a little information of where I am typing this away… I am actually on the way home in the bus… yeah, trying to be productive with the little time I had by myself… I couldn’t bare the thought of not producing anything with the time that I have in my hands now… I just couldn’t tolerate it anymore, not when I have this little charm back in my hands, all healthy and gorgeous...

It’s strange how I can get excellent signals as the bus go about turns here… And just when I am getting all excited with the existent of connection, it goes back to no signal at all… Painful in the ass, that’s for sure…

Alright now, I better allow this gorgeous piece rest, I shouldn’t pressure her… Good night, my little loveliest precious one.

Apologies

If you have came back quite often you'd realise that pictures I posted is now gone, it has had some bug in it.. and I had difficulty editting it.. So I decide to go on a dive and delete it all so i can re-upload them up.. I might actually re-upload them all into my muliply.com, find it much faster and safer that way...

Well, let's just say we all had a jolly good time as a family over at Sentosa.. And there'll be more coming up.. Watch this space if you're really keen.. Only real keen ones will be notified. ;)

Am at work now, so I better scurry off..

Love as it is...

11th July 2007

Today marks my 6th months with KI. But I'm not gonna meet him today. But will make it up this weekend, hopefully...

Anyway, I'm gonna share with you some questionaire that I've set up and given to a small number of male friends including to KI.

I asked a question given by another good friend of mine.

Q: What is the most important or most valueable to you in a relationship? Love, companionship, security, sex or love?

A from Mid'K'night : Love, security, companionship, sex (in order of priority)

A from WV: SEX

A from KI: Companionship and Love.

Well I chose Love, security, companionship, money then sex. I like to love someone I'm with, I like to feel secure with the person I choose and I would love feel his presence in my life, I like someone who's stable, and of course, someone who can satisfy me...

I have yet to really ask in detail but I do have a list of questions to ask for follow up.
What I have gathered so far... Well, money is never an issue for men. They work for it. Sex is almost a must formen. Companionship.. Men like women who thinks like them, but also like the challenge of having a women who can debate and reason with them logically. Companionship for men is almost like partnership in a business. So maybe love is a transaction for them. Or maybe a trade-in for sex.

Okay now, the next series of questions...

Q1:What would be the most important criteria that you would look for in your future long-term partner?- Beauty, Brains, sex appeal, organized, etc (I need to come with a list for them to rate probably)

Q2:In opposition, what sort of character or habits can be tolerated and what can't be tolerated?- Smoking, drugs, way of speech, grooming wise, fashion sense, street wise, etc (also a list would be helpful)

Q3:What would you like to get when you're really pissed? - Silence, kiss, hug, etc

Q4:What sort of actions would provoke your anger?

Q5:Would you forgive your partner if she has had a mistake overnight?

Q6:How would you feel if your partner is a rank higher than you, in terms of education and in terms of job position?

I couldn't think of much now... But I'll add more Questions on the list as I think a little bit deeper.

She's back...

Yes, my dearest lappie has just got discharged, all healthy and well...

Here I am crossing my fingers and hoping this connection wont die in the midst of my business deals with her.. (I am still talking about my lappie, just so you know)

And I'm gonna take good care of her now.. No more unnecessary downloads.. Purely for work and school.. I might actually get a spare one for those if i got tonnes of cash in my pocket...

Anyway... I was on top of world in recent days because I had those much needed dosage of family reunions.. Boy I miss those days where all cousins gather and talk all we want....

They have all turned to young men and ladies... And it's amazing we can still have that close bond despite the many obstacles...

Guess what? I miss them already....

History repeating itself yet again...

It seems like nothing would work on anything or anyone.. People failed to appreaciate others, people failed to stop the rumours...

What they failed to do yet again, is to realise that all these things only make us stronger... We stretch further and yield the extra mile.. Gave us so much pain and yet so much more strength than ever...

This big mouthed anonymous creature, has found a new target, and never once changed the way it lied through its teeth..

I couldnt think straight no more.. Everything's hitting me at all the spots that I've failed to protect.. Hit me all you can... You will never kill me.. I'll be hurt, in pain, and maybe cry.. but I'll never give up.. And my strong will power has now spread over to my sisters.. And I'd pray, so they'd be strong, if not stronger than me, to go through all those things that you've once done to me..

KI has been acting strangely, and I foresee bits of history being repeated... I'm running out of energy to keep up, but strangely enough, I ended up a little shaken by the thought of being alone yet again.. Indeed, I've fallen too deep, too far, too hard.... I never really learnt my lessons... I shouldn't have... But I loved him just too much, too quickly... Shall I let go? Or shall I hold on?

I know if he calls me, I'll pick it up... I know if he comes by, I'd throw my arms around him... I know I'd do just anything he needs me to... But I am unsure if he'd do the same... I'm unsure if he'll be there like how I would..

If he fails to see the greatness of my feelings, emotions, or in other words, my love... And wanted me to leave.. I know I will... In tears maybe, in frustration or in fear.. But I know I will.. Because I have to... Sometimes, I just wish I'm strong enough to live in harmony with myself.. To not be in love, until time is right.. To not fall is a dream, but to keep falling is a tiny bit depressing..

Oh well... till I find myself again... Cherio~