Masquerade Magic 04/05

Graduation Night here I come.... The day starts okayish...

Didn't slept well at all.. Like the previous post states, I slept at 2200hrs, then woke up at midnight and couldn't sleep till 3++ am... Then woke up again at 0545hrs, Mr called and said it's 2 or 3 in the morning... and start chattering about.. I was irritated as I needed that snooze....

I slept in till 0900hrs. Then Mas came over, I copied her digital photos down to a CD-R. Then got ready to leave to teach with all my stuff to wear tonight. I took the taxi down to my tuitee's place, as I was late and I had so many things in my hand to run. I was done tutoring by 1100hrs. I went to JP to survey the prices of wines as I planned to drink with Sharm before going to Hilton Hotel. Then I remembered that white wine needs to be chilled to drink. So i screwed it and went to Chris' instead. Mr had ordered MacDees for us(me, him and Chris) but later found out Chris wasn't at home at all.

It was almost 1400hrs when Sharm called me sounding very disappointed or rather pissed that I changed my plans without texting her.. Oh well.. I was lost myself when I detour my plans. Then we decide to meet at the hair salon where she'll have her hair done at 1500ish. Of course, we went there late. It was almost 1600hrs when she finally got there. Got her hair done by 1715hrs, then the hair salon owner asked me why I didn't do up my hair properly and volunteered to style up my hair for free. All the hair thingy done by 1730hrs.

We bought a bottle of vodka to share with 2 cans of redbull to kick start in the taxi. We met up with Serene and Hui Ting, got ourselves two glass of orange juice, went to the toilet and mixed them up with some Vodka to settle ourselves betterin the crowd. We did that throughout the night discreetly.

The night was great! I never thought I would really make a whole lot of noise to support the students who went up to stage to play the games organized. I migled and befriended the whole table of unknown faces that soon became so familiar. I didn't play any games but really really enjoyed my day. All those jokes i made and laughed about with my friends on the table.

However, I agree with Sharm.. It still doesn't feel like we have graduated. The big day is the Graduation Ceremony. My lecturer said it would most likely be in July and a letter would arrive by post to inform us of the confirmed date, venue and time.

We(my table) all left at 2300hrs, Sharm, Hui Ting and Serene would be going to party elsewhere, I and some others are heading home. I didn't ordered any taxis, but got lucky and had a taxi almost straight away. I took some pictures from my camera phone of my friends as a token of friendship. Sharm had an instant camera and would develop some copies for me as well. Hope the photos turn out great.

It's a lovely night.. except that we had to help ourselves to the food they present to us, noone served our table.. and strangely, it's just our table... We had fun nonetheless and that I'll remember.

Lesson 1: Try and enjoy your day. It's worth it.
Lesson 2: Doesn't matter if you don't have any new shoes to wear. Just enjoy your day.
Lesson 3: Have fun! Smile, laugh and be happy.
Lesson 4: Don't just say goodbye to your friends, hug them!

Good night!

Woke up at 2357

Had a busy day today then had a splitting headache, so didn't post earlier. Hit the sack at 2200hrs with no delay only to wake up 2 hours later. Mr called then spoke to Ceddrick a little.. Then Cracker texted me!! Then he called me, talked to him for quite sometime catching up a little..

Funny, out the blue moon... he called to catch up at this time, right after Mr called.. He demanded me to e-mail him, he said he miss reading my e-mails.. Funny man, he is... So being me who never go back to her words, I wrote a long e-mail for him to read tomorrow morning.

My headache is gone, now I am so so thirsty!!! Tomorrow is my graduation night, i haven't got my shoes yet!! And I dunno how to plan my day tomorrow.. I gotta teach at 1000hrs, finish by noon... Then I dunno if I should go by Sharm's or straight to Chris'... Or if I should get my shoes then go to Chris'... What should I do.. And oh.. I only have $50 for tomorrow.. Oh well... I NEED A JOB!!!!!

Jun, Jun.... what are you gonna do? So little time with so much to do... What oh what should we do now, little Jun??

I say, go get that bottle of ice water, drink and go back to bed now.. c",)

Good night... oh... it's morning! Good Morning, folks!

Cooling down, Change subject....

Was talking about the direction of my relationship... About things that might happen and what we would do then... Like if Mr gets really unlucky and be unemployed maybe till end of the year without anything coming up.. He definitely would be in his homeland... And would probably stay there for many many months until something come up, even so it would be a really long time as the job might be based elsewhere... Who knows?

How long would I be able to wait, obviously I would want to wait a lifetime.. But it won't be easy.. And long distant relationship brings about insecurity, difficulty to connect, lack of communication sometimes brings about lack of trust, there are many other reasons on why the relationship won't work.. But we would definitely share something really meaningful together even if we don't end up together.. One thing is for sure, we would both miss each other..

The heart might say love would overcome anything but sometimes, presence means everything.. Absence do make the heart grows fonder, but the absence of touch also makes the body grow crazy! I dunno... It might and might not work out.. We'll just have to wait and see...

I've an overly confused 20-going-21 year old girl who has nothing... No wealth, No trust from family, No family to confide in, No real accomplishments (well, maybe a diploma even so, other students take 3 years and I took 4), No freedom, Nothing really... Maybe love... Maybe passion....

I don't know anything for sure! I have no confidence when I'm required to, I have no strength when I have to be, I have nothing to show when someone ask me.. Who am I, really? So insignificant to say great things, just the same to say I'm bad... Who am I?? Neither a friend nor enemy... Neither an angel not a devil...

Am a human sent to be tested, I know I am not the only one.. I'm still one of those unlucky ones.. Maybe luckier than those dying of starvation, and those of abuse, and those of torture of any form.. but what do I know?

Confusion, confusion, confusion!!! I don't who I am and what I am talking about anymore!

Let's just call it a night, ya?

Hard Luck....

Big day.. It has been a year since we met... The day in court.. Just words of encouragement... Oh well, Thank You!

Then Mr and I went for some quiet drink and play some games of pool... I won none.. Well one.. but that's because Mr had put in the black ball! I dun count that ones. I knew my day would be bad today..

And guess what.. It is TRUE.. We went to handle bar then to CHIJMES. A few drinks at Insomnia. Then went off at 9.15pm to get a cab home.. And guess what? We have to wait for more than an hour before we finally get to BOOK a TAXI!! And we called up three taxi companies to get one miserable cab that can take us home! And then guess what? My VPO understand me completely but my parents don't and thinks that I do that on purpose!!!! Can you believe that?? My parents thinks I'm doing all these deliberately, to have myself wait for an hour for the taxi that is!

They seriously think I am having fun running home and rushing myself... They seriously think I have tonnes on money to splurge on taxis!!! What the fuck are they thinking?? I've tasted the other side of life.. Why would I ever choose that side of life?? Why?? Couldn't they at least understand what I go through? Couldn't they at least try to??

They seriously think I had it easy, don't they?? You know what? I've had enough of my parents.. NO trust, No understanding.. And I'm turning 21 this year!!! What the fuck is the problem, and for crying out loud, I've been married before, living on my own for a year almost.. What is it that they don't trust about me going on alive and free???

I just can't wait to be able to live alone, free from everything!! I just can't stand the conservativeness in this family.. I can't stand them.. And i don't think I'll ever stand them.. How can they even think that I do it on purpose?? How can they even give it a thought that I'm so stupid to not learn from previous mistakes??? They are not helping... And neither is my temper...

Get lost! Good night!

Good Touch, Keep it Up JUn!!!

Haha... Great day at touch today.. Did a few great touches, did a really good run/chase, a new girl joined us.. Now I know what it looks like when I first joined.. haha..

Sorry guys, I ran out of things to say about today... Probably because tomorrow is a big day for me. It'd be a year since me and Mr met for the first time, also the court appearance.. Then 37 days after would be our first year together.. Wow.. Time flies eh....

I gotta shower and head to bed now..

Good night!

Love me, Love me not...

Today was good, I guess.. An appointment with her... Went fairly well, got a good laugh, got myself an one off extension for my Prom Night (got the curfew extended till midnight), talked about things on the job front, my family issues... Almost everything, except my love life...

Met him for lunch, then met her to get her hair done... Then him again to watch movie. We caught "Guess Who". It was great, good laugh, set me thinking.. Ashton Kucher is great and had always been great in comedy-like shows. He has always been, maybe it's his smile, maybe it's his hair, or maybe it's him.. But he's good.. I liked him until I got to know he is going out with a women so much older than him.. Well, not that age matter.. but he who has almost everything a man can ask, is going out with a women so much older than him.. I thought I wouldn't wanna watch his movies again, until i asked myself if an actor's marital status really matter, which in fact doesn't coz it's the performance of his acting that really matters.. I dunno why I am writing this out...

My mom looks more dead today, she was slouching on the couch almost lifeless, not moving her body, only her eyes are moving following me until I ask if she's coming on Thursday.. She murmured something like she isn't sure.. Oh great! Now my mom don't care, does she? She never cares about what's happening in my life, in my world. All she cares about is what people is gonna say, what people see and how people would react. Then my dad got home, she lifelessly and rudely asked my dad to open the door himself. I dunno who opened the door for whom in the end but my dad got in, he looks like he's in a better mood.. I told him to come if he finishes early on Thursday, a reaction I expressed after getting a negative response from my mom. Well, if a mom don't really care, why would a father care more? I am no longer excited about the appearance on Thursday, I am more embarrassed coz no one really cares except myself.. (and Mr).

Something struck me and this phrase got out of nowhere and I start to think that it's true; That I have more secrets than I ever really have, maybe I have more secrets underlying myself which I myself dunno about myself. I started asking myself if my love is real, if I am really worth being loved. Who am I? I keep telling myself that maybe I am paranoil about relationships after having everything crushing down on me and have only myself to pick up the pieces, not that noone else helped... Just maybe I don't let them coz I wanna be stronger and not weaker. But everytime I bump into love, I got weak... How can I love someone else, when I am having an affair with myself? How can I give love when I can't give myself some love? How can I be there for someone else, when I was never there for myself? Who am I? I tried to love myself, but I became my enemy... I know what it feels like as a whole, but I tried not to get too used to it with the fear of being left all alone to once again pick up the little pieces and put them together whilst everything is crushing on my little body.

Another tow of PMS? Maybe... but i think it's getting too emotional and when it does, it would start interupting with how I see things, how I think and how I do things... Or maybe it won't at all.. I love him, yeah.. I do... but why? Is it because of his kindness? Or was it generousity? Or was it charity that I was calling for? Or was he just sympathizing me? What is it with love? Must there really be a reason to love someone? Will it be sufficient just by loving and being loved?

I am in a tow of confusion with what matters with the heart. I am confused over my emotions. I am confused over everything. This is just the beginning...

Application to NUS is unsuccessful....

Sad.. Disappointed.. More than I thought I would be, actually. As much as I had expected my application to be rejected, my hopes seemed to fly miles above the ground... And I had a great fall.. OUCH..!

Nothing much really happen today except blood week.. Okay.. Unnecessary Information Leakage.. Oopss.. Sorry.. Ermm.. What happened today... Hmmm.. let me think... Breakfast with Mr, then morning nap, then Mr has to go off, I stayed at Chris', then meet Mr for late lunch.. Then Hockey..

Hockey today was good, better than usual... Particularly because Gavin was focusing more on me, was the only girl till Rahimah came an hour later. Made me revise my basics, pushing me to do better, harder and faster.

Then it was a half hour game... I ran all over the pitch, there was no right mid, i was right wing... So i had to run up and down.. Did a few good runs, defending and attacking, though i didn't score.. Oh well, a good run is always a good workout..

I'm gonna shower my smelly stinky body now..

Good night, folks!

Note: No PMS today.. Hehe.. :)

What a Weekend!!

This is the most dragging long weekend I ever had. I wanted so much to celebrate by drinking yesterday... But no luck, Mr doesn't sound like he's up to drinking/celebrating, so i never asked.. Then I lost my enthusiasm to celebrate. Kindda disappointed actually. Then I thought I could meet him today.. but he's meeting his friend... Oh well... nothing i can do about it...

Anyway, nothing much happen really... Except the kids.. They are having fun, I guess... But I was almost in hell, being irritated and grumpy... Another tow of PMS... I dunno why this year bring about bad PMS in me. I never really had it before.. Never.. I dunno why I am having a bad bad grumpy weeks before that month. For the last two months, I've been like that.. Just a week before that month, I'll get extremely grumpy, always at the edge to bad temper, easily irritated, nothing seemed right, everything goes wrong... I seriously dunno why....

I feel extremely bored, I don't feel like doing anything, I don't wanna think.. What is wrong with me nowadays?? I have been wanting to play pool for eons.. with Mr... drink with Mr... but nothing of that seemed to be happening.. I know, I know... This coming week.. but I dunno.. A stubborn child emerged out of my matured body.. wanting everything to happen Now.. and only NOW.. not later.. But NOW... Haiz...

I hate this side of myself. FYI, this is my very own enemy.. I am mean, childish, temperamental.. name it, I am it.. SIgh.. Cut it off.. Let the steam die...

Good night, folks.

Fabulous Friday

Went to Chris' as usual, had a bit of disallowed sleep in till about 0930 hrs or maybe 1000hrs. We went down to the market to get my breakfast cereals, newspaper and Mr's top up card. We almost return without the cards, lucky I recalled about getting them.

Then went back to have breakfast while listening to Ultimate Kylie. Then I switched CDs and listened to U2 while on search for jobs. Then ate a banana and two apples- made me go for number 2 twice. Wow.. Fruits are great!

Then Mr get really really busy hogging the computer in search for job, getting hold of people he needs to.. And I went to sleep again.. haha.. Lazy piggy me.. Haha.. Dunno why, I guess it's boredom being alone with nothing much to do. I should have brought my tuition stuff to write and prepare for tomorrow. Oh well.. Then Mr woke me up at 1500hrs to get lunch at Colbar. I had Cheese sandwich, Spagetti on toast and chips. He has CHeese and tomato sandwich, spagetti on toast and chips. And to finish up our lunch, we both had ice-cream. Haha.. We walked it off though, walked through the Witchurch Road, looking at the houses along that stretch of road.

I went off to Mariam's via Bukit Batok around 1700hrs. Went to BB to get my mom's knee support. Then went to Mariam's. Shahril's sleeping. Soon Mariam and the girls are home. They are all coming over to my place tomorrow. Woohoo..

Shahril woke up soon, crying.. So i carried him, soothing his disturbed self. Everything seemed so wrong when kids are showing some sort of a tantrum. He was quiet, refuse to smile, refuse to do anything... Until, his Ummi(Mariam) comes to the rescue of the disturbed boy... After the simple touch of his Mom, everything seemed to be back to normal.

I went off for home at 2130hrs. Got a letter from school. My results. Haha.. I got myself a B for the in-house project.. Woohooo!!! Yeay!! I have thus completed my diploma course. Gotta celebrate! Haha... Woohooo!!!

Sleep happy. Good night, folks!

Terrific Thursday?

I woke up at 0548hrs from a really really terrible dream. I dreamt about Mr leaving me for another woman. I dunno why that is. But in that dream, i was wearing a really beautiful blue tube dress, the one I had always have in mind to wear should they be a really great big occassion once I can afford it. I was then holding on to a bunch of nice flowers.

Suddenly I realised that I was at Mr's wedding.. I stood there dumbfounded and then couldn't help myself but to run as I cry my eyeballs out. It was not anywhere in Singapore. The weather is a much colder than that in Singapore. I was suddenly driving this old car heading nowhere, just driving myself away from what I've seen. Then i was by the beach yelling my lungs out, and then was typing away on my laptop crying non-stop. I woke up just when someone hugged me tight from behind. I woke up still crying. I didn't stop till somewhat 10minutes because I really thought it was real, I couldn't find him... Then I heard my parents, still crying I texted Mr about my terrible terrible nightmare. To soothe my crying, i told myself that the one who had hugged me from behind is Mr himself. Probably put on an act to get on me.

But i was still crying myself to sleep after. I dunno why.. Found myself awake on a wet wet pillow at 0700hrs. Quickly freshen up and get ready to go to Mr. I just can't wait to prove myself that THAT was just a dream. That dream just made me realise how much Mr has become of my life. He is my Life... I don't think I can't ever live without him, though in theory I should be able to with constant supply of oxygen, water and food. Emotionally, i think I'll be terribly lonely, useless and meaningless.. I guess that's what love does to you. Makes you so perfect with the other and so insignificant without the same.

I guess if we don't take each other too much for granted and appreciate the small things, nothing would possibly come in between us. Oh well, sometimes shit happens just when it should not happen. Okay enough of my dreams. Pinched back to reality.

I went to Chris', Mr was already up.. Looking at the list of things to be done, he will be busy most of the mornings and possibly till afternoon. We had a great morning of breakfast(muesli- which i often don't finish coz it's not my taste.. Ewwww!) haha.. Then Pizza(Boston Special 12") for lunch. Guess what? As Mr was busy with his list of things to do, i watched a Hindi movie, Kal Ho Na Ho... We cooed to each other how romantic the scene was and all.. Haha.. But i did shed a tear or two towards the end, which i tried to hold back.. Don't wanna be caught being the Crying QUeen of Bollywood movies.. Hahaha.... But seriously, it was just one of those tear dropping Love story types.

Since we are touching on Love... Haha.. Mushy-mushy time.. haha... Bear with me, otherwise stop reading just about now.. Hehe..

I am seriously so so in love with Mr, I find him so much more attractive(no idea why- maybe coz he's losing some weight), I find him so perfect to my needs(he seemed to fit all the criterias of my Mr Right), I see him as the only man who can handle my bullshit temper, who listens when I speak, who can make me listen as he speaks, who can stop what he's doing to say I love you and kiss me perfect, who can make me smile even when I don't feel like smiling, whom I felt his presence wherever I go, and who had just filled my life with so much colour and life.

Mr is my life. Period.

Good night folks, get mushy and set the mood for cruising. *winks*

More Singapore Rugby 7s!!!

Yeah!!! Today is the knock out moment! It would be wilder, crazier, better, more crowded, more drunk!!! Haha.. Just to remind myself, today SCC play against the Hollandse Club. Lost 4-3. One my buddy informed me that someone just called at the last minute and said she couldn't come. Captain's not happy. I wasn't called. What a crap! As much as I wanna laugh at them, I can only shake my head for the decisions that they have made. First, they chose players who rarely came fro trainings without reporting with valid reasons. Second, one of such players they chose back out at the last minute. Third, they lost the game when they could have at least drawn the game.

Not to get my mood down again, let's talk about the Singapore Rugby 7s... Yeah!!!!! Today started great.. Mr was hung over. He said he texted some people till his card ran out. Dunno who the people are.. anyway, he said he ended up at OneNightStand before going home. Oh well, at least he get home safely, i examined him.. No new injuries. So that's good. He is in perfect condition really, except that smell of beer from his mouth. Eww.. hehe..

We got out of bed at about 11am, head for showers and took the taxi to McDees forgetting all about Mr Wilson and Rudy. Oh what are friends for, eh? Haha... But we made a U-turn to get them after somewhat 5minutes of guilt on Mr's shoulders for leaving them. Chris must have thought what kind of a friend he has, when Rudy told him we already left. Haha..

We ate all our might with all the McDees goody.. Our first meals of the day, and it was nice. We all sat at the steps up to the stadium, eating like we hadn't had food for a long time. Haha. Then we saw Ken and his son walking up towards us to say Hello. Then there were a few people, didn't catch their names. Basically Chris' friends... Then we head in, Ceddrick and his friend were already there. So we simply joined them. Then soon the crowd is there gathered, new people to yesterday's group were, Jamila(Malik's wife), Malik's dad, Pattrick, Jeffrey(both Ceddrick's friends) and one the guy's wife.. The rest were the same ol' people, me, Mr, Chris, Rudy, Graham, Julia, Shaun, Fiza, Malik and Ceddrick. And i just look back and noticed. More than half the guys are bald or had kept their hair really short. Haha.. Kindda funny when you think about it.

As per usual, accustomed to certain rules, I left at 9pm. Just before the finals. NZ vs England. NZ won without a doubt. Yeah!!!! GO KIWI GO!!! We sang a whole lot more songs today. A list of YMCA, I will Survive, I wanna know, Sweet Cheri'oh, some Welsh songs, and plenty more. Great atmosphere, I tell ya! It's fun.. Really had a great time, better than yesterday.. (thanks to the morning glory!) Haha... Probably one of the many reasons why I was in a brighter mood that yesterday.. Khekhekhekhekhekhe... q=)

It's a good option to leave Mr's credit card at home and only bring $300 out. He's at OneNightStand again with all the boys!! You never know, some stupid things could easily happen with the credit card and money, ya know? Oh well, Cheers to NZ!!!! Yeah!!!!

Stand up... Stand up... Stand up for the Champions!!! Yeah!!!! Beat it.. Just beat it.. Haha. all the songs coming up to my brains refusing to leave them in peace. I will walk 500miles.. and I will walk 500 more!!! Yeah!!!!! Rugby 7s ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GO KIWI GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good night folks!!

Great day indeed!!

2 bald men and me @ Singapore7s

My hair was rather limp and wasn't looking at its best as I never style it up(but at least I do have hair) Hehehe. I dunno how my necklace got out. This picture was taken by a complete stranger, i think we took a better picture which is by a proper camera but she said it would be easier to take a picture out of her mobile and send the MMS over to our e-mail. So here's it. =)

Singapore Rugby 7s @ National Outdoor Stadium

Yeah!!! Great weekend awaits with the 7s on the list! I cancelled my tuition slots, both of them, so I can go to the Outdoor Stadium at my own time without being rushed.

I went to Turf City to watch Bucks do a little warm-up before the 7s. It was scorching hot!! I was sweating even as i took the back seat watching them play. They took a game with the girls' National Touch Team. They were all beated, and soaking wet.. and may i add.. a little sticky and stinky.. Haha..

Okay touch base a little on yesterday, it was a family and friends' day for me. I dedicate Fridays, or at least most Fridays for my friends and family. Something got to do with my time management, spending and sparing my time for everyone that I may have missed out whilst being with Mr. I still spend some time with Mr yesterday, coz I went to Graham's for a BBQ. Nice meeting new people.. John and Yoko were really nice, friendly and funny. A few others, whom most I didn't get a real chance to talk to and know them better. As usual, my drink would be a white wine and only that. I simply love my white wine, it can go with anything, anytime!

Back to today. After some touch rugby at turf city, we head to Chris coz Mr obviously needs to freshen up and get a change of clothes. We reached Chris' just when he's about to leave for the 7s. So Mr Wilson had to make a cum back so we can all go together, and it was his third attempt to make the move for the 7s.

As quickly as Mr could, it still took somewhat 20minutes to finally get out of the house and head ourselves to the 7s.. Yeah!!!! Half an hour journey to the stadium, about $10. So i calculated that i need to leave the stadium at 9pm and have about $16 as I would do an advanced booking just in case. We were there just when England and France finished their set of game. You might want the results from me, but i have to disappoint all of you. I didn't take down any score, and sadly my memory isn't in a good shape so sorry guys. :o(

We bump into Ceddrick at the grand stand. So all 4 of us sat down at what we saw as the best seats and start by ordering some jugs of beers, cost $56. One jug is equivalent to 4 mugs, which breaks down to $7 a mug. As much as I don't like beer, I had not much choice but to gulp them down. I had about 2 mugs, before I stopped to have a break from beer. My body just could accept the fact that i had drunk beer. And it's not good beer, it was Heineken which wasn't cold. It could have been better if they kept 'em cold. Oh well, Mr's first bite to food was really bad, to add to that, they gave me the wrong drink. I ordered an Ice Lemon Tea, and they gave me Coke. I'm so gonna burp, especially with the beer.

Soon, Malik join us, then Shaun and Fiza, then Rudy, then Graham and Julia. And so 10 of us were ordering Beer, 2 jugs at a time, the boys never get their mugs without a drop of beer. I had to gulp a few more mugs down, was lazy to get my ass moving to get ice water or another glass of other drinks. So I had to satisfy my thirst. We had lots of fun, joining other people singing, supporting the teams on the field. Then I became somewhat a traitor when Singapore meets NZ. I was wearing the All Blacks jersey and I'm Singaporean.. ermm.. But no doubt about the mighty NZ to win. I had to go on and cheer for NZ.. Haha.. Of coz they trashed Singapore. The score was something like 66-0. Or was it more?

Then we all went crazy, trying to stack the empty plastic jugs up, for as many jugs as we could possibly gather. I reckon we stacked up more than 50jugs. It was double Mr's height. Then being Singapore, the police came and said that is not allowed and took every single jug we had. Ceddrick went to negotiate with the person taking orders for Beer. Then suddenly, we are entitled to 3 jugs of beer free of charge. The boys are happy, oh boy, they are. The police in Singapore are always tensed and never take it easy for any matter. They could have just gave us a laugh about it as it was funny. And it was plastic jugs that we stacked not glass ones where it could be dangerous. That, the boys are unhappy.

I had to leave at 9pm. The taxi is almost here. I was half-scared when i stepped out. I saw about 8 guys, drunk. Waiting for the taxi and were extremely unhappy when the taxis refuse to take them. They were such a spoiler. They start hitting and kicking the taxi, cursing the passenger who got the taxi way before them. My taxi which i had booked so much earlier came and i cross over and get in. They came across unhappy about it. Start banging the taxi, and the taxi driver just step on the accelerator and vroom off.

Lucky, the guys didn't do what they did to one of the other taxis that came before. They opened up the doors, threatening passengers to step out and off, refusing to take a No. Lucky me, that didn't happen. I wouldn't know what to do. Oh well, drunken buggers.. My advice to you guys to not get too drunk, and if you do please do not act so harsh like some big shot coz all the more the taxi won't take you as a passenger in fear of his business, safety and everything else.

I had a great day although i was more on the grumpy mood today. I never had been so lucky to have Mr as my boyfriend. I guess not many guys could take my crappy mood swings as well as he does.

12 more days and it would be a year after we first met. 37 days after, our first year together. Oh, isn't that so sweet?

Good night folks.

Not that bad today..

The day started with a text from Mr saying good morning... But he didn't really get up and get moving till I reminded him of his appointment later in the morning. haha. He then delayed it to after lunch, he couldn't talk when he's hungry.. plus a hungry man is an angry man..

Was at Borders, reading this book on Dave Pelzer but this one was writen by his brother with his side of the story. Really sad, I must say. Then had to head to the bank. Was at the bank for slightly over 2 hours.. I fell asleep on the couch so deep and nice, then in midst of being asleep, I realise i am not at home in bed and just jerk out of sleep..

Then i had to go for my hockey training. And guess what, it isn't that bad today. Someone by the name Adrian, i believe he's is a legendary veteran, taught me the tecniques of hitting. Questioning why my hitting wasn't consistent, asking me how long i've been playing.. For some reasons, i felt like crying.. I almost broke down.. But i remained calm, composed and positive. He taught me a few things that no coach has even taught me - the most basic of the main basics in details, with full guidance and believe. I can look in his eyes, absorb and have that eagerness and passion once again erupting to stay alive to learn and keep learning.

He have absolutely no idea who I am, where I came from.. And neither do I know anything about him other than that his name's Adrian and that he plays hockey. But I felt so gratefully indebted for what he had done today. He had helped me find the flame that had kept me alive, the passion i've had all along, the strength i almost lost, the fire that gave me light... I had found all these once again, thanks to him.

Also thanks to Mr for encouraging me to keep going for my trainings, and that one can only get better with practice and improve by watching and observing. His guidance and his advice is of great value that i may not have received elsewhere. His neverending encouragement and compliments had only serves me to be stronger and better.

Thanks to all my friends who had believed in me, who had secretly been happy for me, who had been discreetly be there for me in times of need and danger, who gave me a sense of need and existence. Thank you all, every single one of you. I love you.

Another day tomorrow. Good night folks..

Back once again..

Bugger it.. Am not happy about the choosing of players to play. I haven't played for any games now! I hate how they choose the players. Fuck i don't even know how they choose the players, on what basis. Maybe i am just a stupid hockey player, probably the few who's a no-brainer!! Why, Where and What did I do wrong to deserve this?? FUck. So much for saying proudly that i'm playing for SCC and i don't fucking get to play the league!! Freak me out. I don't know why the fuck I'm mad about this!!!! So much for saying i can't come for touch as I have a game to play for SCC.. Fuck!

I could have just say yes to that touch practice this Sunday then! No use of my presence, to hell about needing people to support. They won't even notice me there!! Drive me mad girls and keep it up, bitches!! Just keep it up!! I know, I'm nobody.. I stand nowhere. And maybe i just don't deserve anything out of SCC anyway! Who the hell?! What the hell is going down?!?!

FUck them now.. Touch is SO MUCH BETTER!!! At least they focus on the weak ones, put more effort in teaching the weaker ones and be better as a whole instead of focusing totally on the good ones and just make the weaker ones weaker like in hockey! At least they take note of me, my presence, my improvements, my weakness and WORK on it.. I really fucking don't know why this is pissing me off so much...

I'm my own world's worst enemy today.

Anyway, i didn't update much as Blogger was kindda down whenever i wanna try update. Nothing much going on except lots of catching up with Mr done. A recruitment service company rang me up this morning. A shipping company located in Jurong is looking for someone who is familiar with Portnet, which I've used before whilst working at OOCL.

On the brighter side, I'm getting fitter and happy in love... At least someone out there understands me, feed me attention, injected me with lots of TLC(fyi, that's Tender Loving Care) and most of all just be there to listen to all that i need to vomit out and not pointing anything back to me. The simple kiss of concern is simply just what I need, and that's what he always give even when he himself is going through some shit. I appreciate that. And God, I love him!

I truly really love him to bits..

Good night folks...

Being me...

Haiz... Yes, not a really good day as it begins with a sigh... I went to collect my suit, paid $68 of the balance. Then went roaming around the place, sat at Coffee Bean which reminds me of him.. Miss him so so much more than ever...

Then went to Clementi Central. As usual the eyes strayed a bit on the secondhand phone. Just as I approached one of the nearby second hand mobiles phone shop, my phone dropped. It's okay, still able to function but the keypad got stuck couldn't scroll and is kindda spoilt to the obvious. Couldn't possible attack this shop as they saw me dropping the phone.. So went on to the next. Asking the prices... and how much they would take for my phone to trade in. A lot of shops take in my phone for just $100 even when i offered to give them my external radio that i bought separately.

Walked to the next shop. Really desperate to get rid of my spoilt phone without getting caught in the act. This time, they said they'd take my phone plus the external radio for $120. Then I asked the other phones that are available for trade-in. One phone, Samsung.. with camera and video cost about $328. They are not gonna budge the price down. I asked about the Panasonic X400. They have 3 sets I can see. Definitely, they are willing to drop the price and I can whipped some great deals. The original price was about $318. I managed to get it down to $280. Minus my trade-in value, i just need to top up $160. Without any second thoughts I go for it.. Freak out!!! I only have like $130!!! Where to get another $30??? Texted Ogy to transfer the money in advanced. Got $40 from her($10 deducted for the movies + food).

So now.. I'm once again, bankrupt to the core. No money no talk, honey.. Haiz.. And the money is suppose to be used for my graduation night... Haiz... I regret so much that I actually spend all my money on a new phone... I'm a bad bad girl... Bad girls deserve a hard painful smack on the ass. Or better still, kick me in the ass!!!

Oh well, went out with hockey mates, Raiha, Sham and Mat Nur.. Went Orchard, then to Penin as Mat Nur wants to get a new stick. Bargained the price down for him.. From $210 to $126.. Hehe.. My amazing bargain skills. Then we went for training. Kevin Nunis gave the girls a whipping solid hour of basic skills! Hitting, pushing, sweeping, slapping.. Then running here, running there. My gawd.. Could hear my knees cracking for rest. But Nunis himself said I improved a masive from where I started.

But sometimes I feel so useless. Played hockey for more than 5 years, yet I stand nowhere. My basics are terrible. My skills are going haywire. But of course one can only get better by praticing and coming for trainings. And to see people younger than me who started hockey later than me being better than me.. is just so so degrading... So embarassing for me to undertake sometimes. Especially when they come to teach me... Fuck, i started earlier than you.. been in hockey longer than you.. And you are fucking better than me and teach me even.. Fuck. I'm freaking demoralized without any of them with such intention. Why is life such a hassle? Why must humans always have emotions that leads on to unfairness, guilt, moral, face/ego? Why? Urgh.. Maybe it's just me.

Good night folks.

Hockey Knock Around @ Padang

Had a long long super long chat with Mr this morning... for many many hours.. Plus maybe 10 minutes on the phone. Superb $4 worth of a phone call but definitely worth every penny. Was online, looking for jobs the whole morning till about 2pm. Nothing much done..

My best friend called me at about 3+ asking me to meet up with her. Was discussing about the prom night. She is gonna get her dress today. I can't go with her as I have training at 6-8pm at Padang. She called me up again to say we are still meeting up as she has got another friend who's gonna meet up with her right after the minute I need to leave for training. Haha..

I checked my bank account today, $190 in my bank.. I withdrew all of it to prevent any deductions for my savings scheme. Owing them about $280.. Oh well. M1 replied to me with apologies which made me smile.. However, they refered me to a credit company to settle my debt in installments. Oh well.. better than being threatened all the time..

After meeting my best friend, I rushed down to Padang- of course, I'm late, Urgh!! But it's okay.. as it's just a knock around. Basically more for just having fun with the boys, and the girls.. Man, the guys are huge, fast and always on their toes. Even me being the younger ones can't seemed to catch up with these old buggers.. Haiz.. Better get my fitness level a little higher, plus keep up the stamina.

The knock around session sure make me sweat, but it's all good.. I and Jerie went for dinner together at Raffles City. We went to this Pizza Place. I have a 3-Cheese Pizza.. Yummy. And she had Hot pepper Linguine.. Double the Yummy!!! Then we went to the Market Place, coz she want me to taste this fish paste cheese stick, and to get a drink. Oh boy, the cheese stick is yummy! haha.. I guess today is full of YummY things.. hehe..

I miss my darlingz.. 3 more days.. Sound so near yet so far.. Oh.. one more thing about me.. I'm into learning German haha.. Been learning a few German phrases here and there.. Haha. Here goes... Gute Nacht! (translation:Good Night!)

Hiermit möchte ich mich verabschieden.(translation: And that's all from me(for today))
**am still having problems pronouncing this one alright.

Musical...

It has been raining a lot today. Inactivity throughtout the day on its whole. Touch was cancelled, as it seemed from what I can see.

I went to Turf City. Walked into our pitch.. The frogs are croaking away, probably trying to chase me away as they would have hated me as much as I fear them. When I got my feet on the pitch, I was pretty sure training is cancelled, yet i still wait for one soul to appear. Like it seem, it rained more and heavier half an hour after i rest my butt on the yellow plastic chair.

If only Mr is around with me, it wouldn't be so bad like it is when you're alone, stuck in the rain, lonely, in the open field. The thought of walking in the rain like a stupid soul.. My oh my.. oh and to have myself listen to the froggies singing away.. I wish I could sing just one special song for the froggies out there to listen.. it'd definitely be this one :
Froggie froggie go away,
Come and croak another day,
Little Jun will walk away,
Never to step on any froggies again.

What a lovely song for all the froggies croaking away today. As I walked out, the frogs form an orchestra and start performing a wonderful musical for me. I was afraid if the conductor would jump out to stop me from interupting the musical. Funny, but i wished i could record the song they sang. Haha..

Ended myself eating some naughty Double Cheese burger and fries from McDees. Ain't so good, the fries are all soggy and hard.. Not nice at all. Got the free shuttle service to Clementi, check my bank balance, nothing as yet. So walked around the central to just have a look around. Need to get myself a proper shaver and maybe the aftershave cream or something to ease the itch. But I think the ones from Watson at Far East Plaza is better. But why would I go town just to get a shaver? Goodness!

Sharm called, chat a bit. Two souls bored to death, nothing to do, have no plans, have no mood, can't party, broke to party, ain't that so boring? Darn.. Or my German friend mailed me, will be meeting him to catch up on Sunday. Had been a long long time the last I saw him. My goodness, I think he'd scream at my short hair.. Haha..

God, I miss Mr.. 4 more days... And am still counting.. Good night now.

Late for training..

I reached CCAB at 8.30pm.. Oopy daisy.. me late. Ermm.. miscalculation of journey time. Training was okay.. Was told to brush up my basics.. Oh well..

I did well though, brought the ball from half line all the way to the D.. but too bad, my finishing is horrible. Need to practice more. But never got the chance. Well, who am I anyway? Ain't good, ain't bad.. Don't know where I stand really. Oh well, trainings till 10pm. Got my ass off the place at 10.30pm as the coach was discussing about school training. Called up my lady friend to tell her about my lateness. Then her mailbox is full, so called up the assistant to keep her informed. Reached home at about 11pm.

Then was online with a couple of friends. Then my best friend called, her friend's mom just passed away. Then she informed me that the Dinner and Dance aka Prom Night is postponed to the 30th. Oh well, need to update my lady friend on that. She asked me to join her and her friend for a few games of pool.

So I asked my dad for cash saying i need to buy some hockey stuff. Don't think he know about my mom not giving me any allowance. Dunno why i hesitate to tell him. Darn! My bestfriend just texted to say the plan is cancelled.. Man.. No pool tomorrow.. Oh dear.. Oh well... Going out still to survey the prices, opening all eyes to check out shoes/boots, hat and mask for my prom night. Haha..

Good night, folks!

Cut my hair...

haha.. Finally, short hair on my head. Kindda feel so much lighter in a way. And I keep touching my hair. Can't wait to lay my hands on my hair to make myself busy styling it up... The whole family was is awe and daze when i made my way in.. Haha..

I went to cut my hair today after teaching Ogy's daughter. Accompanied by her to her regular hairdresser. The hairdresser made a remark about my dandruff problems and recommend me to use her shampoo(like all hairdresser would). That would cost me extra$$. So i go without, need to shop for my prom night 'costume' plus accessories. She asked me towel dry my hair and make sure it's dry before putting on anything on my hair, things like a cap, bandana or going to sleep. She said it helps if I keep my hair short if i'm active in sports, it suits me she says.. She added that I look about 5 years younger with my hair short. Hehe... She also gave me a few tips on how to style my hair. I'm so excited over it in an extreme sort of way. Haha..

Then we went to Jurong Point to look for my 'costume'. I finally saw the one I like, and query about the cost. They initially said $80, I said okay and tried it on. They then made some amendments and volunteer to do the alteration for me. And when I decide to get it at all cost, they gave me a shocking bill. $128.. Wow.. I looked at Ogy, only to be stared right back. Then she said, "it's up to you. If you go back and then decide to get it, they might not be able to alter it on time for my prom night..." So I took the risk and paid half the price with the other half to be paid when I collect it.

The thought of money shortage continues to haunt me. I went home rather shivering with anxiety more out of fear and nervous. I checked my PC, hoping for Mr to be online. I had no choice. My parents don't understand how much it means to dress up for my prom night. Mr is my only way out to help. I didn't wanna add on to his burden. I almost cried and begged him. I know I don't have to.. But I just can't bring myself to ask him. When i finally did, i can't say enough gratitude. I promised to pay him back once I get a job secured. I would do anything to get everything back, to pay my parents a.s.a.p. then pay Mr back what I promised to return.

So what's left to be bought and done is to find a suitable nice hat and boots or solid heels for the prom night. Can't wait to be the unique hot girl that definitely stands out from the rest. I'm getting all excited just by imagining how I would look that night. May all go well, hopefully I get a job soon.. then hope Mr gets the most suitable job soon.. Hope everything go well and smooth.

Good night everybody.