Tears on my cheeks

It's been many months since i last cried.. and today... i cried on the way back.. I did not exactly know why, but the sudden flashbacks and probably the guilt had brought tears rolling down my cheeks...

 

My heart felt tight. I could not hold any longer, I burst to tears without knowing why. Passer-by looking on, mumbled before they made an exit from my sight. None, none had stopped to hug me or asked why. I closed my eyes, wiped the tears, and moved on. Just like all my previous break down...

 

Another typical sad day it seems... But the smiles of the children, they made me forget.. They made me smile again.. Temporary, that I know. I hit the sack early, just to end the day so I'd forget the sadness..

 

As I woke up in the morning... I realised I was again in tears. This tears of confusion. Is it just me wanting so much to be with you... Or are you starting to doubt me? Who are you? No.. Who am I? Why does my heart ache when I couldnt get an answer?

 

Why the sudden loneliness? I am almost going mad.. My mind is just not with me today... I probably left it along the road somewhere....

 

Rescue me fast before I lie down waiting for Mailakatul Maut to come and fetch my dear soul... Then, I shall say my last prayers and affirm my religion.. to forgive, and hope others will forgive me too...

The little girl's dream..

The Little Girl's Dream was to take after her mother, to be happily married to a man like dad and be a mother to a child.

 

Her little dream evolved as she grew up, of which she found out that the world is a cruel place to grow up in.. She continued building her dreams, and set out of a mission to find someone like dad. Someone who would protect her every little interest no matter how hard it was. Someone who would protect her dignity, her pride, her every little thing that is important to her. In the journey to find this very man, she hurt herself by getting all the wrong men.. Those who was with her for all the wrong reasons.. She was terribly hurt in the process and had always asked why God was being unfair to her, her wish was afterall simple. To be like her mom, happily married to a good man, settling down and be a mother herself.

 

Later in life, she discovered that God was being fair, she wasnt quite ready, thus all the wrong men who had hurt her in the process. She kept her faith seeing all her other friends getting hitched, and happily married. She stories to the sea of her journey, and wondered when her time will come. A man was getting to know her, but her doubt kept him a distance. A magical moment is all it takes, to soften her hard heart to accept the man as more than a friend. Then came the time where she was just hoping everything will go smooth and for him to ask for her hand.

 

Time swiftly passed and she became emotionally pressured. She wanted so much to settle down and make her dream come true.. To just settle with that man who stole her heart, who had made her bleeding heart heal and smile again.. To just spend the rest of her life as his wife and mother to his children.. The time will definitely come, but when? How long more must she wait?

 

"Time will tell, my child" advised her mother. And she rests her chin on her knees, looking at the reflections of the bright moon on the sea... the waves hit the shore, calming her raging emotions... And wait she shall... till time is ripe..

Stress la, Mr Smartpants~

Assalammu'alaikum friends & readers...

 

I am stressed out. Like totally. I texted Mr Smartpants, and he almost freak out, i think.. oh well... my promise is that i will not raise the subject again, and will just await his updates and instructions. But.. I am freaking out.. for sure.

 

I just prayed and hoped so hard that things will go smoothly without any hiccups.. really.. And according to him, in accordance to my report, he said it's a done deal almost. Alhamdulillah.

 

What more could I possibly ask for? A warmer office, my soft humble heart said. And i chuckled. Ya.. apart from that, nothing else.. I love those who had stood by me.

 

Oh oh oh.. we bumped into that Mr Drama!!!! Apparently, with a new victim.. Mr Smartpants went like, oh that is him? hmm.. ok. His face screams Mr Drama... I laughed. Ya.. Smartpants was spot on.. he is Mr Drama. Smartpants mentioned a term.. narcissistic.. and indeed, he is!

 

Alhamdulillah, i am not involved in any manner to that Mr Drama. Relief.. great relief.

 

Wassalam.

November Babies

Assalamu'alaikum mu'alaik friends...

 

Once again, November has come.. Alhamdulillah, I was granted another year to do goodwill, insya'Allah.. I could never wished for more than what i have received thus far.. Things can only get better... I hope tonight goes smooth.. I can barely wait!

 

Oh... NLA is getting married to CMP... shocking! like totally shocking! But happy because she is.. She deserves it, i guess.. Sometimes, it made me depressed.. like how easily others get things going.. how money was never a problem to them... I know wealth management is an asset, and I should have practiced that at a much earlier stage.. Oh I wish, I had just half of her wealth or privilledges.. I mean to be able to travel ever so often and to Australia, Italy, Europe, name it! damn, i cant even think of travelling to Malaysia in peace. And to be able to purchase branded stuffs ever so often.. BUT, mom taught me to refrain from comparing, because it invites envy and jealousy that might just trigger revenge of some sort.. it is just that... sometimes, i cant help it..

 

Oh well.. I am on a good and positive track now, so I shouldnt be worrying. And in no way will I ever want to trade Mr SmartPants for anything in the past. I am just waiting patiently for 2012 to come and surprise me.

I needed a part time job... like so seriously in need of a part time job.. I want to work so much that i wont have time or even the liberty to spend. I really really need it.. I want to start and save that $19K... I can really make use of a miracle wish right now..

 

Time for lunch now... I miss you, Mr Fisherman... so much..

 

Semoga kami dipanjangkan umur, dimurahkan rezeki, berbahagia di samping keluarga tercinta dan dipercepatkan jodoh kami - supaya kekal kesucian dan keikhlasan hati.... Amin..

 

Wassalam..